Tuesday, June 09, 2009

THE DEMOCRATIC FIRING SQUAD (AND OTHER AMUSEMENTS)

For the next couple of weeks, I'm going to be too busy to maintain this blog in the manner to which you've become accust--

Oh, hell, who am I fooling? I'm trying to be a better blogger again! But micro-updates on Facebook and Twitter are easier. Forgive me! I'll get back into it soon.

But not for another few weeks. In the meantime, here are a few (relatively short) things on my mind. Because when you're old, like I am Billy Hufsey is, you turn into Andy Rooney and Larry King. (You think I mock? Well, yes... but I'd trade my dignity for their income any day.)

Oh, and -- here's some irony for you -- each item is short, but cumulatively it adds up to one long-ass entry. Still, I have to grab my free half-hours when I can get them. Anyway...


ALBANY, TURNCOATS, AND GAY MARRIAGE


Yesterday's coup in Albany was sort of bad for the Democrats, but probably won't have much impact on the Marriage Equality bill. Frankly (and with hope that I am wrong), I never saw this as its year. Marriage equality will come to the Empire State soon, but not, I think, in the 2009-2010 session.

Again, I hope I'm wrong, but I worked there for 14 years... which, for the uninitiated, is an obscenely long time for a staff member. I may not have been smart enough to cash in on my career when the going was good, but I'm smart enough to know how Albany works.

In any event gay marriage will rise or (most likely) fall on its support among the elected members of the Senate; not because Malcolm Smith or Dean Skelos is running the chamber.

Still, it's fascinating how the Democrats manage to screw things up over and over and over again. My former employer -- a member of the State Assembly Democratic leadership, circa the late '80s and early '90s -- used to say that New York State Democrats only know one formation for a firing squad: a circle. True that.


ANDY ROONEY/LARRY KING MOMENT NUMBER 1


After a zillion years on a keyboard -- badly on a keyboard, but nevertheless on a keyboard -- I was only recently clued in that Shift-Enter made a line-break. Now I can't stop doing it.


WORLDS COLLIDING!


This is ironic, considering I just sat on a panel at the Saints & Sinners conference on writing while holding down a day job. During the discussion, I said that I was only starting to "come out" as a writer to people I'm associated with professionally, despite the four novels I've had published while I've held the job. I'd never exactly hidden the writing, but I thought the type of admittedly light fiction I write would reflect on my 9-to-5 professional(-ish) persona.

Over the years, of course, many people caught on. Which isn't a surprise when you write and 9-to-5 under the same name (I seldom even use "Robert" at work.) Not a big deal either; I've had a chance to prove myself professionally since 2002, so I have a deep comfort level these days.

Or so I thought. Until a week ago, when my "work" City Council Member friended me (and when did "friend" become a verb?) on Facebook. Followed a few days later by my "work" State Assemblymember. And God only knows who's next.

I accepted the friend requests without comment, but I hope that they realize they've become friends with Famous Author Rob Byrnes, not 9-to-5 Rob Byrnes. If not, well... I'll ply them with many martinis and snap embarassing photos, because that's how FARB handles these potentially awkward situations. Online, I am FARB, and people have to deal with that.


ANDY ROONEY/LARRY KING MOMENT NUMBER 2


When I went to put my contact lenses in on Saturday morning, my right one wasn't in the case. After a quick and unsuccessful inspection of the bathroom, I figured it had fallen into the sink and was gone. So I wore glasses all weekend.

On Monday morning I found it dried out and stuck to a towel. I put it in the case with some solution and, 15 minutes later, it more or less came back to life. Now I can wear contacts again.

Note that none of this would have come close to approaching a crisis if I had picked up my prescription three months ago and had a few replacement pairs in stock. But the moral here is that this blog isn't my only form of procrastination.



SEE ME! FEEL ME! READ ME! INVITE ME!
or: REHOBOTH, ATLANTA, INSIGHTOUT, AND...
SAN FRANCISCO?


Remember I'll be in Rehoboth Beach in two weeks. June 27, to be precise. Details here. Please come.

And I'll be making my virgin appearance at Atlanta's OutWrite Bookstore on July 13. I have heard nothing but good about Philip Rafshoon and his OutWrite peeps, but I also don't want to be reading alone. So be there!

And this is good news! Straight Lies is the best-selling book right now at InsightOut Book Club! Join the club, discover some great LGBT(QI -- heh heh) writers, and get Straight Lies as an exlusive hardcover. What! is not to love?

Okay, one last thought on this. If I squeeze my pennies until they drip copper blood, I might be able to go to San Francisco in August. Listen, I know I'll never sell enough books to make my trip worth it financially, but that's not the point. Still, I don't want to fly 3,000 miles if I'm reading to air. I know NDT thinks this a good idea (yes, NDT; we are the Odd Couple of the blogosphere), but does anyone else agree?


ANDY ROONEY/LARRY KING MOMENT NUMBER 3

I need to manscape. Or at least trim my eyebrows. Before they look like, well... Andy's or Larry's.


ANDY ROONEY/LARRY KING MOMENT NUMBER 4

OMG! My glass is not half-full. Nor is it half-empty! It's ALL EMPTY!!

Okay, thanks folks! Have a wonderful night!