ENGLAND SUCKS
Dear Queen Elizabeth and Prime Minister Blair:

So how many things are wrong with the Amazon UK web site for my novel?

1. Who gave you stupid Brits permission to call me "Bob"?

2. Learn English, dammit. Or does the Queen make a name ending in an s a possessive by placing an apostrophe in front of the s?

3. Is the phrase "overly sensitive" one of your inbred island's euphemisms for 'gay'? [I'm ignoring the typo there. See? I can be a nice guy.]

4. "His life is fraught with... drag queens..."? I just don't know what to say.

5. And then there's this final indignity: UK sales rank, 433,600; US sales rank, 32,234 (as of this posting).

Keep it up and I'm never gonna do a book-signing at Buckingham Palace.

Sincerely,