THE HOT TODDY POST

Hot Toddy Pizeek, proprietor of Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven and one of my bestest blog-friends, has demanded asked nicely that I link to him. A lot. He seems to feel that my map obsession is overtaking me, and that -- by linking to him -- I'd provide more entertainment for the world-wide blog-reading community.

Perhaps he is right. Let's consider this blog entry a test of that theory. And in any event, since he links to me every chance he gets to boost his readership by giving people the false impression that we're close friends, I suppose it's the least I can do.

Hot Toddy first came to my attention last winter, when -- for one brief, glorious moment -- the homos were getting married in Portland. Master of sublety that he is, Toddy celebrated by spamming every blogger in the known universe and proposing marriage. Most bloggers quite sensibly shunned him, but I found something unsettlingly amusing in his desperation. And so we he began our friendship.

Eventually, the marriage fad faded, but Hot Toddy did not. After a barrage of requests, I eventually even gave him a reciprocal link. I know... I know... but it wasn't quite the grand gesture it seems. I was in the process of weeding out a bunch of dead links anyway, so it really only cost me 20 or 30 seconds I'll never get back. And if a Famous Author can't give back to his fan base, he has no business reveling in the limelight.

After uploading the link, though, I noticed a change in Hot Toddy. He became distant... aloof... Since I didn't pay him that much attention, I didn't notice until someone tipped me off, but a few weeks later when I finally bothered to think about it, I realized that, yes, the nature of our relationship had most definitely changed. Something had happened when I linked to Hot Toddy, and I knew exactly what that something was.

He had come to regard me as a peer. He had come to think of himself as my equal!

After I finally stopped laughing, I decided to return our relationship to its previous status. But as I was about to de-link him, I had a wonderful moment of clarity.

I hadn't always been a Famous Author, had I? Didn't someone offer me a boost up the ladder of fame and prestige at one time? And now wasn't it time for me to reciprocate?

Oh wait -- that's not at all what I was thinking. I made it on my own, suckers, and don't you ever forget it!

Still, I felt sorry for Hot Toddy, and decided to leave his link on my sidebar, even though, for my own amusement, I listed it out of alphabetical order under the WXYZs for a few months.

In a few weeks Toddy will be flying across the country to see me in Manhattan. You will note that I am not flying to Portland. And that's appropriate, because while I value Hot Toddy's blog-friendship, one of us is a Famous Author and one of us thinks his blog is a kitchen appliance.

You're probably wondering what the point of all this is. Me, too. I suppose the point is that, over the past few months, Hot Toddy and I have seen our friendship evolve and grow. Because that's what friendships do.

Damn. Now I have a tear in my eye...

...okay, not really.

Now wanna see a map of Portland, Oregon?