Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Remember how we were recently going to pepper Gawker Stalker with Famous Author Rob Byrnes sightings, in order to raise my profile and therefore sell more books among the Great Unwashed who read, say, Gawker, and not The Rob Log?

Remember how they caught us, and dismissed us with a curt 'nice try'?

And remember how the editor told me that, in any event, none of you bitches had bothered reporting a sighting to Gawker, so the exercise was pointless? (Oh wait... I didn't share that with you, did I? Well he did. So there.)

Anyway, I'd was willing to drop this entire unfortunate matter, but the kids at Gawker are clearly trying to rub my nose in it. Read this.

Yes, Gawker is publicizing a book that won't be released until next April. April! 2007! According to Al Gore, we'll probably all be dead by then! For better or worse, my book is out right now... which you know, of course, because your copy is sitting at home on your nightstand.

So what am I to make of all this? It's quite simple really: Rob Byrnes is homosexual; Dana Vachon is heterosexual. Rob Byrnes has a book out right now, while Dana Vachon's book won't be out until we are all fried by Global Warming, but he is a heterosexual, so he gets the publicity.

Blatent anti-gay bias? Can there be any doubt? And the timing is so clearly aimed directly at me -- the insult added to the injury -- that I can come to only one conclusion: Dana Vachon and his lackeys at Gawker fear me! I am a threat to them!

But because I am the bigger man -- by a good fifteen pounds, at least -- I am going to pre-order Mergers & Acquisitions and continue to visit Gawker. Some day, when vengeance is mine, it will be good to know that I never stooped to their level of discrimination and meanness.

I just hope the polar icecap doesn't melt before that day.

UPDATE: Just to be clear, my tongue is planted firmly in cheek when I complain about Gawker's anti-gay bias. In truth, Gawker is gayer than... well, me. And anyway, they are so busy hating on the Jews over there that they don't have time to worry about the 'mos.