LAMMY FEVER HITS NEW YORK
All across Gay Writerland, the blogs are going dark and e-mail is going unanswered, as one by one the lowly yet semi-literate wretches begin making their way to Manhattan for the Lambda Literary Foundation's annual award ceremony.
Look! There's Greg Herren, flying up from New Orleans!
Look! Becky Cochrane and Timothy J. Lambert have packed up their VW bus and are now en route from Houston!
And look! Famous Author Rob Byrnes has just set sail from the Port Imperial Ferry Terminal on the West New York/Weehawken border! Talk about making a commitment to an award ceremony! How does he do it?
And not that I expect to win -- the list of Best Gay Romance finalists is, of course, the toughest category of them all -- but I was just reading Greg's blog and... what?!!! Winners are expected to say a few words? I don't remember that from last year! Then again, I wasn't nominated and I was sort of drunk, so I could have missed it.
Still, do you think this would be appropriate, just in case the judges have a Marissa Tomei moment?
"First, I wanted to thank God for being on my side and making this possible. Thank you, God! And you, too, Baby Jesus!
"I would also like to thank my agent, my editor, and my hair stylist. Oh -- and before I forget again, let me also thank my husband, Chad Lowe.
"But this moment isn't about me. This is about the children in Darfur, and other oppressed pockets of our nation. Until those dirty, unshaven children have books -- specifically, When the Stars Come Out -- to read, there will be no happiness in the world. Can you imagine the pain in their hearts on those dark days when they are logged onto their computers, reading my blog, and know that they don't have enough money to afford my book? It's sad, isn't it?
"If everyone could join hands for a moment, I'd like each of us to say a little prayer, so that some day, no child will grow up without his or her own signed copy of When the Stars Come Out.
"And now, if you'd all join me in singing The Lonely Goatherd..."
I think that sound appropriately heartfelt and reverential, don't you? And I really hope Christopher Bram and Edmund White are there, because rumor has it they're excellent yodelers.