Wednesday, October 29, 2003

or, Look! Reviewing while sober! Catch it while you can.
This past weekend, while down in DC to visit the boyfriend, I caught a couple of movies. Because I know you pop into TRL to guide you in selecting your entertainment, I thought it would be a nice public service if I reviewed them very, very quickly. You're welcome.

First up: INTOLERABLE CRUELTY. Robby like. George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones are fabulous, even if their chemistry isn't always red-hot. A dark, clever, romantic comedy, dripping with those Coen Broethers touches. What's not to love? As a sidenote, I have to ask if Zeta-Jones plays a nasty self-centered bitch in all of her films, or just the ones I've seen. And if so, is she like that in real life? Is Michael Douglas permenently emasculated by now?

Anyway, the movie is a delight, with enough twists and turns and edgy cynicism to temper the romantic comedy elements. Not that there's anything wrong with romantic comedy, of course, but it's much more enjoyable with a dark side. Go see this movie.

Next victim: MYSTIC RIVER. I hate to say it, but this was a big disappointment. No, it wasn't the worst movie ever made, but there were too many things wrong with it... implausibility upon implausibility. Let's start with the fact that Sean Penn and Kevin Bacon are supposed to be in their mid-thirties. Let's top that by adding that Tim Robbins is supposed to be in his mid-thirties! Tim Robbins Jr. maybe... (Okay, okay, I know that Robbins -- like Bacon -- is only a few months older than I am, but kids: that's mid-forties the hard way. Susan Sarandon must be Catherine Zeta-Jones's role model.)

And it's a bleak, bleak movie. That would be fine if it made sense, but it really doesn't. I defy anyone to tell me that the pay-off for sitting through these 120 minutes of laughless darkness was worth it. In a world where coincidence is the norm, the film's resolution might be merely far-fetched. But in this world, it's not.

And there you have it. Two sober reviews. I knew I could do it!