CD BABY LOVES ME, BUT THEY WON'T PUT OUT
I received the following e-mail (highly edited by me) this afternoon:

Robert -
Thanks for your order with CD Baby!
Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow...
A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing...
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy...
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Monday, January 5th...
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year". We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

--Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little CD store with the best new independent music

That's sweet. Unfortunately, it's THE SAME FUCKING E-MAIL I GOT FROM DEREK SIVERS ON DECEMBER 24!!

Listen, Sivers, give me my goddam Michael Holland CD or I'll rip your face off! AND I WANT IT NOW!

Okay... okay... I feel a little bit better...