IN WHICH I CHANNEL KIM CARNES
Based on a true story. Plus... why not?

I'm sitting in the bar,
I act like I don't care,
No need to analyze,
I've got Graydon Carter Hair.

I'll lay the Oscars on you,
Like I'm "Vanity Fair,"
Before it grows upon you:
I've got Graydon Carter Hair.

And I'll please you,
and appease you,
Then behind your back I'll tease you;
I'll betray you,
And I hope you know that
I will never pay you;
All the boys,
think there's no there there,
But I've got Graydon Carter Hair.

[Lather, rinse, repeat]