Wednesday, August 11, 2004

I just realized that this is my third straight death-related entry. But it's on a much, much happier note. Yes, folks, we're playing with the scam-spammers once again!

(Since this one came simultaneously to both my work and play e-mail addresses, I decided to use a variation of my real name, given the likelihood that the scam-spammer already knows it.)

Here goes:
My name is Panter Suhas.I am a senior partner in the firm of ECKO Consultants: Private Investigators and Security Consultants. We are conducting a standard process investigation on behalf of HSBC, the international Banking conglomerate. This investigation involves a client who shares the same surname with you and also the circumstances surrounding investments made by this client at HSBC Republic,the Private Banking arm of HSBC.

The HSBC Private Banking client died intestate and nominated no successor in title over the investments made with the Bank. The essence of this communication with you is to request you provide us information/comments on any or all of the four issues:

1-Are you aware of any relative/relation who shares your same surname whose last known contact address was Brussels Belgium?

2-Are you aware of any investment of considerable value made by such a person at the Private Banking Division of HSBC Bank PLC?

3-Born on the 1st of June 1927

4-Can you establish beyond reasonable doubt your eligibility to assume status of successor in title to the deceased?

It is pertinent that you inform us ASAP whether or not you are familiar with this personality that we may put an end to this communication with you and our inquiries surrounding this personality. You must appreciate that we are constrained from providing you with more detailed information at this point.

Please respond to this mail as soon as possible to afford us the opportunity to close this investigation.

Thank you for accommodating our enquiry.

Panter Suhas
For:ECKO Consultants

My reply:
Dear Mr. (or Mrs.) Suhas:

I do believe that you may be referring to my first cousin, Parnell Byrnes, who moved to Brussels, Belgium some years ago following a disagreeable family matter. I would prefer not to discuss said matter, if it's all the same to you, since now that I am getting on in years I would like to let bygones by bygones.

I do hope everything is all right with Cousin Parnell. He was always a strapping young man when he was young, although I know that age and infirmities slow us all down. I was known as quite a strapping man myself in those days. Yes, indeed.

Cousin Parnell would have been born at roughly the time you asked. I do not specifically remember his exact birthday, and there is no one I can ask anymore. I am sorry about that. but that means that if anything did happen to Cousin Parnell, I would be his sole surviving heir.

Please advise me of what I should do next. I hope this will not involve lawyers, as I have a strong disliking for them and don't trust them. If you happen to be a lawyer, please don't think that I am talking about you. Oh no, indeed. I am talking about AMERICAN lawyers only, sir or madam!

If Cousin Parnell is well, please say 'hey' from Cousin Robby. (He will probably say in return, 'hay is for horses' -- get it? 'hay' and 'hey'? -- because he is a card like that.)

All my best. I hope to hear from you soon.

Robert Pizeek Byrnes

I hope Panter is more responsive than Mrs. Harriet Sayler.