Monday, August 09, 2004

Mrs. Sayler finally wrote me back! After waiting four days, I was beginning to think that she was pulling the lamest Internet scam ever. But, fortunately, my faith in the Power of Spam has been restored.

In case you've forgotten what I'm writing sbout, you'll want to read this first.

Anyway, I obviously offended Mrs. Sayler, who today wrote:
Dear Alexander Bertrand Kyle,

Thank you for your reply. Before I go on, I want to
know why you ever tought of my own brother being or
associating himself with homosexuality.

I feel very bad at the closing of your mail. I demand
an anwser before I go further.

Harriet Sayler

Well, I can't have a lack of trust color my new relationship with Harriett, can I? Fortunately, I know some of the dark secrets lurking in the suburbs:
Dear Mrs. Sayler:

I mean no offense, dear woman. However, as you may or may not be aware. there are a number of homosexuals of Ivory Coast heritage living in Northern New Jersey, which is where I live. Although I have seen your beautiful country during my days as a merchant seaman, it was only when I moved to Morristown that I learned that homosexual practices are apparently common there. I was shocked, of course, especially being a deeply religious man (and part-time pastor), however I realize that not every person in the Ivory Coast is a Sodomite. If so, that would mean that your father would be a Sodomite, and you never would have been born, but since you clearly have been born, he could not have been a Sodomite. Do you follow me?

Perhaps the homosexuals of the Ivory Coast have moved to Northern New Jersey because of the moral corruptness present in this country. It is a shame, Mrs. Sayler. A true shame. Some day, I fear that our Lord God will smite this once-great nation. I suspect he will also smite the homosexuals from the Ivory Coast. God does not play favorites!

I hope and pray this answers your concerns. I do apologize if I gave you any offense in suspecting that your brother might be connected to the homosexual Ivory Coast natives of Northern New Jersey.

Yours in God,

Alexander Bertrand Kyle

Yeah, I know. I probably went a bit over the top. But if she wants 'my' help badly enough, she'll respond. If not, well... I'll have made a new friend in the Ivory Coast, and that's good, too.