MONDAY MORNING AFTERNOON QUARTERBACKING THE 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' SEASON FINALE
Best of all: if you didn't see the finale, there are no spoilers here! The things I do for you...

1. He's not really dead.
2. See? It's true what they say about crack babies.
3. Did Paul Young have to walk all the way home?
4. That scene where they found out that 'Dana' was really Zack Young's twin brother who had been raised in Bermuda by Mrs. Huber before running off to be a gay child prostitute in New York was some weird shit, wasn't it?
5. Characters I'm Officially SO Tired Of: Susan Mayer and Mike Delfino.
6. Characters I'm Not Officially SO Tired Of: Edie Britt and Gabrielle Solis. And John the Lawnboy, of course, but that goes without saying.
7. And I thought I grew up in a fucked-up neighborhood!
8. That scene where Marlee Matlin returns to Wisteria Lane and bitch-slaps Bob Newhart? Golden!
9. I never would have believed that George the Pharmacist was Mike Delfino's long-lost brother if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
10. I can't remember: did the gay kid get punished for running over the meddlesome old Mexican lady, or just for having a bad attitude?

Not that any of it matters. It's just television.

Or is it?