Thursday, November 10, 2005

I don't usually discuss politics here, but now that the elections are over I need to get something out of my system.

It's all about New Jersey, folks.

The recently-resolved gubernatorial campaign was nasty, vile, and dirty. Both sides engaged in allegations of corruption, flip-flopping, and incompetence. Both sides went negative. And you know what else?

Both sides went totally, over-the-top... heterosexual.

My friends, it was an abomination. First came accusations that the divorced Democrat, Jon Corzine, had given thousands hundreds of thousands millions of dollars to a female he dated! Then married Republican Doug Forrester trotted his opposite-sex partner out in front of the cameras to assure the voters that her opposite-sex spouse would never let New Jersey down. And then Corzine's female ex-wife went wild, and claimed that her former opposite-sex bed-partner would let the state down, because he had let his family down! And then everyone was accusing everyone else of sex sex sex!
It was just too much. It was all penis-and-vagina, all the time.

You know what Corzine and Forrester were doing? That's right. They were blatently flaunting their heterosexuality. At every opportunity, they were parading around the state with persons-of-the-opposite-sex... practically throwing it in our faces! It was nauseating. All I could think about while they engaged in this virtual orgy of unfettered sexuality was how hetero they were, comparing their private parts as they traveled the length and girth of the state of New Jersey.

When I look at candidates, I do not want them to make me think about their bedroom habits. And yet, there they were. They may as well have just gotten naked with Christie Todd Whitman on the local news! The whole campaign was just that bodily-fluidilicious.

Frankly, I held off commenting, because I would have thought some of the GINOs and their opposite-sex-attracted allies would have wanted to jump in, given how they tend to feel about the open acknowledgment of sexuality in politics. But they have not spoken, so it is up to me to shout out "Stop waving your dick at me, New Jersey! Hide your partners and your sexuality, like the good gay boys and girls do!"

There. I feel better now that that's out of my system. I can get back to business and...