WHAT IS SAM CHAMPION NOT TELLING US?
Okay, by now I think we know that all male meteorologists are gay, right? Oh, they may not tell us they are, but you just know. Except Al Roker, because I don't want him to be.

But are all male meteorologists also heroin addicts?!!! That appears to be the case. Well, in Roanoke, at least. But you know the old saying: as Roanoke goes, so goes Newport News. And the next thing you know, your son is playin' for money in a pinch-back suit, and list'nin to some big out-a-town Jasper... Ummm... Wait. That's not where I meant to be going with this. This is where I meant to go: is Roanoke an isolated case? Or is it the tip of the iceberg?

I mean, Mike Woods seems pretty damn perky at 5:30 AM. Not that I'm saying he's gay and on heroin or anything. *cough*

By the way, if you think it's cruel for me to make mockery of someone's addiction, you don't know cruel. Do you know what would be really cruel? Clicking on this link and inviting one of the Heroin Twins to visit a school, as long as he promises to bring enough smack for the entire class. Now that would be cruel.

And, yes, I'm tempted...