ALL SEVEN SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE HAVE COME AT ONE TIME



From the New York Post:

A big-screen version of the classic prime-time TV soap opera "Dallas" is in the works, as Hollywood prepares to once again shoot J.R. - but this time, with megastars J.Lo and John Travolta in the lead roles.

Producers want Travolta to fill the role made famous by Larry Hagman, Texas oil baron J.R. Ewing, according to a report yesterday in Daily Variety.

Jennifer Lopez, meanwhile, has been approached to be J.R.'s beauty-queen wife, Sue Ellen, a role played on the 13-season CBS hit by sexy Linda Gray, the showbiz paper said.

The producers, who have lined up J.Lo's "Monster-in-Law" director, Robert Luketic, have asked Luke Wilson to play J.R.'s nice-guy brother, Bobby, originally portrayed by Patrick Duffy...

Oscar-winner Shirley MacLaine, meanwhile, has been asked to play Ewing clan matriarch, Miss Ellie, made famous by Barbara Bel Geddes in the series.

Actually, maybe we should welcome Armageddon. If it comes quickly enough, we'll also be spared this.

And, yes, the center of the earth is indeed John Travolta. But you knew that already.