WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
Here are a few quick health tips for you:

1. Not a good idea: liposuction in the comfort of your own home.

2. Worse idea: liposuction in the comfort of your own home performed by a pretend doctor.

2. Worse idea ever: liposuction in the comfort of your own home performed by a pretend doctor using this.


In other health-related news, due to what I assume was food poisoning, leaving me in intense pain and discomfort since Friday night, I haven't had a drink in 62 hours. This is how most of you people live? Good lord!