Thursday, January 24, 2008

Since it is now established that I Am Going to Die, a few things need to be addressed. Several years ago, I was kind enough to post a copy of my living will, so that you'd know what to do when my time came (which reminds me... gotta rewrite it to reflect that little Anna Nicole misfortune. Who saw that coming?!)

But that guy... that guy... uh... damn, I keep forgetting his name! You know, the only person who died in recent memory... oh, it's on the tip of my tongue... man, this is making me crazy! Would someone ask the kids at Towleroad? They'll probably remember.

Anyway, in reading the articles about whatsisname, it occured to me that there was one matter I had not taken into consideration: the names of people to be contacted in case of emergency. I am sure that most people, in a panic, would just call 911, but most people do not understand the lives of the rich and famous Famous.

For your future reference, this is the mindset shared by Famous people like me and whatsisname: paramedics are sort of icky; Olsens Twins are not. Evidence: Ben Kingsley has never frenched a paramedic.

So if you happen to come across my dead or dying body, please immediately contact these people in the following order:

1. Teri Garr
2. Cher
3. Ben Kingsley, c/o Mary-Kate Olsen
4. Hannah Montana
5. Abe Vigoda, c/o Mary-Kate Olsen
6. The Hoff
7. Chuck Norris
8. Balk, because he's all about the Radar exclusive
9. Jack Nicholson, who warned me
10. 911 Operators

It would be probably be helpful if you print out two copies, carry one in your wallet, and keep the other in a safe place. Because the clock is ticking...