I'M A BELIEVER
I believe Mike Shallow. Because I, too, often play games on my phone when confronted by scary masturbating men in the bathroom at Sears.

Chant with me: Free Mike! Free Mike! Free... okay, that's enough.

By the way, here are the mugshots from the Great Sears Men's Room Sting. It doesn't exactly look like a male model convention was in town that week... Hey! Is that Meat Loaf?!!