Thursday, February 17, 2005

So I'm in the shower at 6:00 AM this morning and thinking about Desperate Housewives (shut up! Like you never think of Desperate Housewives when you're in the shower at 6:00 AM!) when I suddenly realized who the mysterious and much-speculated-about gay character is going to be.

Are you ready?

Not Zach. Not Tom. Not Andrew. Not Edie. Not Mrs. Huber's sister... well, okay, maybe Mrs. Huber's sister, but that's not where I'm going here. No, the gay character will turn out to be...

Carlos Solis.

"But Famous Author Rob Byrnes," you say. "Carlos is so manly and... and... Latin! He can't be the homosexual!"

To which I say, "Wrong, loser. Go start your own blog if you don't like what I have to say."

Let's look at the evidence:

1. Carlos is married to Gabrielle, but barely gives her the time of day. Now, I'm a Kinsey 6, and even I get excited when Gabrielle is on-screen.

2. Carlos hired John to be the lawnboy. He didn't hire one of the acne-ridden kids of Wisteria Lane. Nope. He hired John. Mmmm... John...

3. And now, according to previews for next week's show, Carlos has hired a new lawnboy: Justin. Mmmm...Justin... Okay, I suppose you can get lucky and hire one hottie as your lawnboy, but two? Sorry, but that's beyond coincidence. Carlos knows exactly what he's doing.

4. Finally, when 'who is the gay' speculation began swirling, much of it centered on hints that it would be someone's son. Well... really, who is the biggest mama's boy on the show?

Mama Solis would turn anyone gay.

I rest my case.