Wednesday, July 13, 2005


I am the bigger man, you know? My time should be spent writing best-selling novels, traveling the world, and curing poverty cancer the DTs. And that's why I walked away from the recent blog-spat with Skip-O-Rama. Ummm... sorry, that's Scott-O-Rama. Easy mistake to make, because no one has heard of the Skip-O-Rama blog, either. Although in the case of Skip-O-Rama, that's understandable, because it doesn't exist.

Anyway, Sk-- Scott-O-Rama just can't seem to accept that I've walked away from this little fantasy rivalry of his, which is sort of like if the dog-catcher in Enid, Oklahoma (that would be Skip) thought he was a serious rival to the Dark Overlord of the Universe (that would be me.) So he goads and he tweaks and he does everything he can to try to push my buttons.

Credit where credit is strangely due, though: most people would have given up in frustration a looooong time ago, but not Skip. He keeps pressing on. I'd call him an Attention Whore if I thought this was a cry for attention, but I'm afraid it's something darker and much more pathological. So Hot Toddy can keep the Attention Whore crown for himself.

Now, though, well... it seems he has won, in a sense, because I am forced to respond. So listen up, Skip-O-Rama!

I will not and never will change my name to Skip-O-Rama's Bitch Rob Byrnes. Understand?

And as for that cute graphic you spent a week creating -- and I, for one, think it's cute that someone is still using MS Paint for their graphic needs! -- I will post it here to show the world your level of desperation, but don't get used to seeing it on this blog.

Finally, let me offer you an olive branch. I've crossed paths with people like you in the past -- usually they are illiterates who are jealous of my literary success, or they're other authors who are jealous of my social standing, or else they're Greg -- and know how to make things better. So here is my offer.

The next time we're in the same city -- and, by that, I mean the next time you're in New York (specifically Manhattan), because I don't do Nevada or wherever it is you're from -- I'll give you an autograph and pose for a picture with you. Okay?

I'm not promising to smile in the picture, but I'll let you take one. Like I said earlier, I'm the bigger man.

And you are quite welcome.