WHY JOHN KERRY MUST GO
No, not because he blew the 2004 presidential election.

No, not because he has the singular ability to turn a mangled joke into a major national controversy threatening his party's chances to capture both houses of Congress.

No, not because of that hair.

John Kerry must be thrown out of the United States Senate and possibly deported because he hires people who say things like this:

"The methodology behind this scorecard is cuckoo for cocoa puffs," Kerry spokesman David Wade said.

I know what that means as an advertising tagline, but it really doesn't work as a synonym for 'ridiculous', 'crazy', or, well, plain old 'cuckoo'.

So, David Wade, please stop saying that. Unless you mean that the methodology behind the scorecard is craving something crunchy, chewy, and chocolately, in which case you can say it, but that would be one fucked up methodology.

And in any event, everyone knows that the methodology behind the scorecard is magically delicious. Dumbass.