I GUESS I CAN'T ROOT FOR TOM TANCREDO NOW
Via Fark comes a poll to show your presidential preferences in 2008. Here are mine:

(100%) 1: Sen. Barack Obama (D)
(97%) 2: Gov. Bill Richardson (D)
(96%) 3: Sen. Russ Feingold (D)
(89%) 4: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D)
(84%) 5: Sen. John Kerry (D)
(81%) 6: Ex-Sen. John Edwards (D)
(81%) 7: Gov. Tom Vilsack (D)
(80%) 8: Ex-VP Al Gore (D)
(80%) 9: Sen. Hillary Clinton (D)
(78%) 10: Sen. Christopher Dodd (D)
(77%) 11: Sen. Joseph Biden (D)
(76%) 12: Ex-Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R)
(75%) 13: Gov. Mitt Romney (R)
(73%) 14: Retired Gen. Wesley Clark (D)
(69%) 15: Sen. Evan Bayh (D)
(64%) 16: Gov. George Pataki (R)
(61%) 17: Gov. Mike Huckabee (R)
(57%) 18: Sec. Condoleezza Rice (R)
(55%) 19: Ex-Rep. Newt Gingrich (R)
(54%) 20: Sen. George Allen (R)
(52%) 21: Sen. Chuck Hagel (R)
(51%) 22: Sen. John McCain (R)
(50%) 23: Rep. Tom Tancredo (R)
(39%) 24: Sen. Sam Brownback (R)

Interesting, but -- as usual -- not quite there. For one thing, I haven't quite caught Obama Fever yet. Call me cynical, but the new, exotic, popular kid at school needs to prove himself first. Then we'll see.

My desire to see fresh faces out there (sorry, Gore and Kerry, but your boats have sailed) and my hybrid political philosophy no doubt led to these, uh, interesting results. I mean, Sam Brownback was the only potential candidate who scored less than 50% with me... and I can guarantee you that -- in my heart and mind -- at least 18 of those candidates don't stand a chance of getting my vote.

SAY GOODNIGHT, MACACA
Maybe I'm slow, but it only now occurs to me that the last two Senate Republicans to go down in defeat were Conrad Burns and George Allen.

Burns & Allen. (Get it? Get it? Please don't make me feel my age...)

Very wise readers of this blog will know that I have other, more personal reasons to find that amusing. But only the very wise ones...

IT'S NOT OVER, KIDS
Gay, moderate, and liberal web sites and blogs are positively giddy this morning, and I share much of that sense of excitement. For many of us -- most of my readership, I'm sure -- Election Day 2006 was a very good day.

But the sheer euphoria is a little over the top. Sorry... I hate to be the wet blanket, but yesterday did not result in a radical remaking of Congress. January 1, 2007 will change things for the better, but will you see radical change? Uh... no.

Let's look at some facts.

1. First, never underestimate the ability of Democratic Party to put its internecine warfare front and center. You know that Democrats subscribe to the 'circular firing squad' philosophy when it comes to settling our differences.

2. While in most cases -- maybe every case -- the new Democrats are an improvement on the Republicans they replaced, don't think they are different as night and day. Democrats Bob Casey and Heath Shuler are not going to be more liberal than, say, Republican Lincoln Chafee.

3. In the same vein, the moderate and conservative Democrats may take a lesson from Joe Lieberman's victory and feel emboldened to pursue their independence at the sake of party discipline. That's not exactly a bad thing, in my opinion, but it could make that 235 seat majority in the House a lot less comfortable than it looks.

4. And in the Senate, where a one-vote margin is the best the Democrats can hope for, you might as well settle back and wait for the gridlock... especially since Lieberman himself now knows he has nothing to fear in incurring the wrath of Reid or Dodd or the Daily Kos, and can ride out the next six years doing whatever the hell he wants.

5. Republican corruption is bad. Democratic corruption is just as bad. And don't think that random shady Democrats won't find a way to make themselves the New Neys over the next few years.


Okay, that was the bad news. Here is the good news:

1. A lot of good men and women will be going to Washington.

2. A lot of Republican assholes will be leaving Washington.

3. Celebration -- if not euphoria -- is in order. This was a significant election and, although it won't solve everything and make all perfect in the world, it is more a giant stride forward than a baby step.


So enjoy. And continue the good work in 2008.



UPDATE: And if you need a boost to your enthusiasm for 2008, allow me to present (via Fark) a list of incumbent Senators up for re-election in two years. There is every reason to feel optimistic.

MWAH!
Your Election Day treat: Not-So-Young Democrats in love:



Don't blame me, blame the New York Post.

YOUR TUESDAY ASSIGNMENT

Vote.

WHY JOHN KERRY MUST GO
No, not because he blew the 2004 presidential election.

No, not because he has the singular ability to turn a mangled joke into a major national controversy threatening his party's chances to capture both houses of Congress.

No, not because of that hair.

John Kerry must be thrown out of the United States Senate and possibly deported because he hires people who say things like this:

"The methodology behind this scorecard is cuckoo for cocoa puffs," Kerry spokesman David Wade said.

I know what that means as an advertising tagline, but it really doesn't work as a synonym for 'ridiculous', 'crazy', or, well, plain old 'cuckoo'.

So, David Wade, please stop saying that. Unless you mean that the methodology behind the scorecard is craving something crunchy, chewy, and chocolately, in which case you can say it, but that would be one fucked up methodology.

And in any event, everyone knows that the methodology behind the scorecard is magically delicious. Dumbass.

WARNING: GRATUITOUS MEANNESS AHEAD
In South Dakota, they have their very own page scandal.

And wouldn't you know it: it's always the prettiest politicians who get themselves in this kind of trouble.

(I know... I know... that was just unnecessary. And yet it felt so good.)

POLITICAL JUNKIE
As you know (because you have been hanging on my every word for the past three years) I used to be in politics. That was a long time ago, but, every year, when the weather gets crisper and fallen leaves blanket the sidewalks, I feel nostalgiac nostalgic* about the good old days of electioneering.

Which is my long way of saying that I am addicted to this site. And this site. And this and this and this. To the point of refreshing a few dozen times per day.

Confession: I even rescheduled a meeting from Wednesday morning to Thursday, because I know next Tuesday night will be a late one for me as I watch non-stop election coverage. Not a single New York State Assembly race will escape my interest.

Ah well. As hobbies go, it's more constructive than drinkling drinking**, right?



* - Corrected. Happy, Jess?

** - Corrected. And now I'm waiting to be hired as editor of Queerty!

WHEN HEADLINE WRITERS PHONE IT IN
The Associated Press gets into a rut:

Senate Hopefuls in Tenn. Square Off

Hawaii Governor Candidates Square Off

Texas Governor Candidates Square Off

Well, it's a quasi-holiday weekend, so I suppose it's understandable that they don't want to tax their creativity.

MORE WOBBLY SPINNING
Drudge is dragging out the 144-point type, so you know this must be important!

CLAIM: FILTHY FOLEY ONLINE MESSAGES WERE PAGE PRANK GONE AWRY
**World Exclusive**
**Must Credit the DRUDGE REPORT**

According to two people close to former congressional page Jordan Edmund, the now famous lurid AOL Instant Message exchanges that led to the resignation of Mark Foley were part of an online prank that by mistake got into the hands of enemy political operatives, the DRUDGE REPORT can reveal.

According to one Oklahoma source who knows the former page very well, Edmund, a conservative Republican, goaded an unwitting Foley to type embarrassing comments that were then shared with a small group of young Hill politicos...

Wait, what was that?

Edmund, a conservative Republican

Surely my eyes deceive me! A conservative Republican did this? To another Republican? Why, that's absurd!

Oh wait. There's more...

The prank went awry when the saved IM sessions got into the hands of political operatives favorable to Democrats.

There we go! I just knew the Democrats had to be at the root of this! And of course...

The prank scenario was confirmed by a second associate of Edmund. Both are fearful that their political careers will be affected if they are publicly brought into the investigation.

Awwwww. So we may never know who these two young politicos are, because they can't come forward, because then their careers will be ruined. By (all together now) the Democrats!

Coincidentally, the Democrats made sure I got stale bread today at Subway. They are a tricky bunch, you know...


UPDATE: Democratic dirty ticksters have now apparently infiltrated the ranks of the survivors of clergy pedohilia. Honestly, will they stop at nothing?!!

BLAME CANADA
Lloyd Grove of the Washington Post has the scoop: these days in Washington, it's all about Canada. Oh yeah... a postscript: has the White House completely lost its mind?
(via Gawker)