Thursday, April 26, 2007

Like most Americans, I am unenthused by the choices I face in the 2008 presidential election. Hillary Clinton is too much of a lightning rod... John McCain is too crazy... Barack Obama is too inexperienced and HIS MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN SO EVERYBODY PANIC!... Rudy Giuliani does not make for a very pretty woman, unless, you know, you're really drunk and it's 4 AM...

I was truly perplexed about this, until I had a revelation: why should we settle for one of them? Why not choose one of our own?

You know what I'm talking about, kids. It is time for the United States of America to elect it's first Blogger-American President.

And then I thought about this a little bit more, and had another revelation: why not me? I am certainly old enough (shut up), and I have experience in government, and if Nixon could get trashed in the White House, obviously there's no prohibition on that.

My fellow Americans, my truth is that I am a Gay Blogger American. And I am running for president.

Now, just so you don't think I'm running off half-cocked (heh, I said 'cock') on this, I want you to know that I've thought it through. And to ensure that I offer the American public a comprehensive and wide-reaching candidacy, over the next few days I will be announcing my future Cabinet and senior staff. The voters should know in advance what they will be getting when Famous President Rob Byrnes is leading them.

These men and women have been carefully selected from one of the most elite and prestigious groups in existence: my blogroll. Who will be my vice presidential running mate? My Secretary of State? Who will head Treasury? Or be my official spokesperson? Stay tuned.