Thursday, February 14, 2008

Remember how last year I solved the Case of Andy Warhol's Doctor? The breakthrough that was so shocking even Gawker couldn't help but mock notice?

Well, not to brag, but I've done it again.

The New York Tabloid Murder of the Week is the Tuesday night cleavering of a Manhattan therapist. The killer is still at large.

I used to live two blocks from the crime scene, so -- like Jessica Fletcher drawn back to Cabot Cove -- I feel a compelling need to solve this crime and singlehandedly return peace and tranquility to New York City.

One thing has bothered me about this. Well, one thing besides the bloody carnage, that is. I am bothered by the killer's choice of materiel:

Knives, rope, duct tape, women's clothing and adult diapers were found in the luggage he abandoned after butchering 57-year-old Kathryn Faughey in her office, police sources said.
Adult diapers?

Okay, that clue -- that vital clue -- had me confused. Everything was straight out of Brian DePalma's Dressed to Kill... except the adult diapers.

But then it occured to me...

Didn't I read this yesterday? (Answer: yes, I did.) How clever! I am sure the Meat Cleaver Murderer is hiding in plain sight right here in the blogosphere! But he was tripped up by his adult diapers! And I think we all know how embarrassing that can be. Uh... right? Anyone?... Uh... okay, anyway:

A.J. Daulerio, j'accuse.

Damn, I'm good!

Watch your local listings for 'The Famous Private Detective Rob Byrnes Mystery Hour,' coming this fall from Fox.