IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST
Or, A NOVELIST'S NOTEBOOK, THREE WEEKS BEFORE DEADLINE
* I hate this manuscript. If this manuscript turned into a human, it would be Hitler. And then if the real Hitler walked into the home office, and I only had a single bullet, I would shoot Manuscript Hitler. I hate it that much.
* 'Manuscript Hitler'? That made no sense. Much like pages 247 through 262. I am a fraud. An embarrassment to writers everywhere. Readers, too, for that matter.
* Heh. 'Manuscript Hitler.' Now that I think about it, it's not so bad. Maybe I could incorporate a reference to Manuscript Hitler into the manuscript.
* Am I insane?
* 10:30 AM is probably too early to drink. Probably.
* I don't think I'm using that word correctly. Better Google it.
* An hour? I lost an hour on Google? How did that happen?
* An hour? I lost an hour on Web Sudoku? How did that happen? That's it; I'm deleting all my bookmarks.
* Better delete the history, too.
* Delete... delete... Oh yeah... I forgot about that blog. Wonder what he's up to.
* Okay, no more blog reading. Back to work. These things don't write themselves.
* Although wouldn't it be great if they did write themselves? If you just had a thought, and the computer did the rest? If you didn't have to sit at the keyboard with a half-pack of Marlboro Lights, a glass of Gatorade, and a pounding headache and actually work?
* How is it that my word count actually going backwards? Can that be possible?
* This is definitely the last book I'm going to write. Never again.
* My characters are so stupid. Maybe I should change the ending and kill them all off in a freak accident. Sure, a handful of readers would be pissed off, but this book is all about things not going according to plan, so it would be fitting.
* Okay, page 287 is looking better. I wonder if I can convince my publisher to make this a three-book series. In which case, I'd better delete the ironic meteor strike in the last chapter.
* I have to keep my eyes on the monitor. Otherwise, all I see is an apartment that hasn't been cleaned in a month.
* Maybe I should get a cleaning person. No, I'd be too embarrassed to let anyone through the front door.
* I shouldn't have deleted the ironic meteor strike.
* Three more weeks... three more weeks... three more weeks... If I can just hold on and not put a bullet in Manuscript Hitler...