Thursday, May 27, 2004


Dear Toddy's Employer:

I thought you should know that Hot Toddy (known to you as Mr. Hot Toddy Pizeek) has not been adequately performing whatever it is you pay him for. Instead, he has been e-mailing me throughout the day, mocking people and... well, I think he was even making fun of Michael Vernon.

Oh wait... that was me. Never mind. Let's move on...

Now, I must say that I stand second to none when it comes to having a deep appreciation for Toddy's writing skills and sense of humor. Even though he doesn't find people hitting each other with hammers nearly as amusing as I do. Still, I am a great admirer. That is why it pains me to tattle on him.

I am doing it for him: if he loses his job, he will no longer be able to entertain me with his blog, since he will not have access to a computer. (I don't know that for a fact, but it seems pretty obvious that he does all his blogging from work. I mean, have you read his entries closely? I would certainly never blog from work. Nor would anyone else. Shut up!) Not only that, but his career options would be limited. He might even end up as Lainie Kazan's personal assistant!

Call me crazy, but I want better for Mr. Hot Toddy Pizeek. On the other hand, when I get e-mail at work that can only be described as NP-17-rated, well... I'm concerned. Something about 'smoldering'... 'tongue'... 'harder'... 'lunge'... 'kiss'... 'rageing'... you get the idea.

As the cool kids say, NSFW.

Thank you in advance for any measures you must take. If you discipline him, please forward the images to me at your earliest convenience.