THE BYRNES LEXICON
An e-mail exchange with Jeff today reminded me that I sometimes use phrases or abbreviations that readers don’t always understand. Although I’m tempted to just tell you to figure things out for yourselves, I will take this opportunity to define some terms commonly used by me and my non-blogging friends (of which there are, uh, three or four.) Follow along, though: I’m only going to type this once.
Flounce – Verb, meaning to exit a scene in a state of anger, the drama of which is undercut by the prissiness of the departure.
Usage: “Did you see the way he flounced out of Posh when the waiter took to long to take his order?”
Fort Lee - City in New Jersey that serves as the butt of almost every twisted-sex-related joke we make. Especially fisting jokes. Bonus: If you are with me and/or my Friend Brian when Fort Lee is mentioned, you'll get to see us giggling like schoolgirls, because we think it's far funnier than it is.
Usage: "Want to go to Posh after work?"
"Nah... I'd rather go to Fort Lee. (giggle, giggle)"
Friend Chain-of-Command – Theoretically, the Friend Chain-of-Command should bar friends of friends from communicating directly, instead going through the mutual friend, but it never seems to work out that way.
Usage: “You went with him for drinks at Posh? Without me? But you only know him through me! You broke the Friend Chain-of-Command!”
GDW – Good Drinking Weather. Warm and pleasant, and perfect for sitting on a deck with an adult beverage.
Usage: “Let’s go to Posh after work. It’s GDW.”
HH – Happy Hour.
Usage: “Are you in for HH at Posh after work?”
Homospectacle – Commonly used whenever one has had too much to drink, then publicly makes out with anything with a pulse.
Usage: “I was at Posh last night for HH and made a complete homospectacle of myself!”
Liver Appreciation Day – A day without booze.
Usage: “Even though it’s HH, I’m not going to Posh tonight. I’m having a Liver Appreciation Day.”
Office; works in a – Used to describe someone’s job when you don’t know what the hell they do.
Usage: “What does Kim do?”
“She works in an office.”
“Oh. Want to go to Posh for HH?”
“Sure! It’s GDW!”
Thirty-five - Age all my fortysomething friends claim to be, based on a former acquaintance's rather outlandish declaration.
Usage: "I don't need a Liver Appreciation Day. I'm 35! Let's go to Posh!"
There will not be a quiz.