UPDATE: CONSUMER ALERT
This morning, I thought FTD.com merely sucked. Now, a few hours later, I realize that they are the suckiest suckhole of suck to ever exist. And that includes Extreme Tracking, my site tracker, which Extremely sucks so much that it has recorded an entire 16 visits to this blog today, and none since 7:00 AM. To out-suck Extreme Tracking, FTD.com had to reinvent suckiness. Clever yet incompetent people that they are, they succeeded.

This morning, I was a bit annoyed that the flowers I had ordered for Mothers Day had not yet arrived. So I e-mailed Customer Service and, hours later, received the following reply:

Dear Robert:

Thank you for your recent purchase from FTD.COM for Mother Figure Byrnes. Unfortunately, due to holiday volumes we are unable to deliver your gift until Monday, May 9th or Tuesday, May 10th. We have posted a refund of your service fee to your credit card and sincerely apologize for the disappointment we have caused you.
It is our intent to provide you the best service possible and feel very badly that we let you down this Mother's Day. We hope that you will give us the chance at a later date to earn back your trust.

If you would like to cancel the order and receive a full refund, simply click on this link http://custserv.ftd.com, or dial 1-800-SEND-FTD (1-800-736-3383). We are here to assist you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Thank you for choosing FTD.COM.

Sincerely,
Linda A.

Well, 'Linda A.,' let me tell you something: if Mothers Day flowers arrive two days after Mothers Day, they're useless to me. Cancel my fucking order and stick those roses somewhere the thorns will inflict the greatest amount of pain and suffering.

How incompetent is a flower order-and-delivery company that is unprepared for Mothers Day? Did your associated florists not see it coming this year? Did they think it had been cancelled?

I am really pissed right now. I'm especially pissed that I get to top off this fiasco by calling my mother and stepmother and lamely trying to explain that I had ordered flowers well in advance of Mothers Day, but the idiots somewhere along the daisy-chain of command at FTD.com screwed everything up. Why don't I think they'll believe me?

Hopefully, after I endure this humiliation, I'll still have a full head of steam. Because I also want a piece of those morons at Extreme Tracking before the end of the day.