Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Okay, so here's the deal. Last night I was treated to some blogger gossip, and I want to share. Unfortunately, the blogger in question says he isn't going to write about it on his own blog, which I suppose I should consider being sworn to de facto secrecy. Dammit.

Fortunately, I think I can wiggle around this and protect the anonymity of the bloggers in question. You see, this story involves a traffic, um, incident, and -- as someone who was honored with a parade by the New York State Police Federation when I moved to Manhattan and sold my car -- I'm confident that I am uniquely qualified to recount the, um, incident.

THE SCENE: Monday night, on an icy highway somewhere north of New York City
THE PLAYERS: Blogger One (driving), Blogger Two and two non-bloggers (passengering)
BLOGGER ONE: I think I will drive very fast and risk everyone's lives on this icy, teacherous road!
CAR: Vrrrrooooooooom!! Vrrrrrrooooooom!!
BLOGGER TWO: Slow down!

CAR: slides on ice and makes seven 360-degree circles at 96 miles per hour


CAR: smacks into guard rail

BLOGGER TWO: That was cl---

CAR: slides back onto icy roadway and makes another seven high-speed circles

BLOGGER TWO: We're gonna die!

CAR: smacks into guard rail

BLOGGER TWO: That was cl--

CAR: careens back across roadway, barely missing other speeding vehicles, before running off other side of road and down snowy embankment


CAR: slides back up embankment, under bed of speeding semi, and begins spinning again on the icy roadway

BLOGGER TWO: Make it stop!!!!

CAR: slides off to median, where it comes to crashing stop against concrete barrier

BLOGGER TWO: Oh my God--

CAR: slides back toward icy roadway, then stops. It was just teasing

BLOGGER TWO: I'm going to start going to church.

You think I can drive this back to New York?
I know you'd like to know who the bloggers are, but -- like I wrote -- I'm sworn to secrecy. You can probably guess who Blogger Two is, though. His hair turned completely white and he now wears a St. Christopher medal.

Oh, and if you're looking for a moral to this story, get real. This is TRL: The Rob Log, not Davey and Goliath.