Monday, April 30, 2007

After last week's announcement of my presidential candidacy, I have been overwhelmed by your response and faith. But let me clear up one point: I know I described muself as a Gay Blogger American, but mine will be a broad-based administration that looks just like our great nation. I promise you that we will not just come from Blogger, but also Wordpress, Typepad, and -- yes, even LiveJournal! We will be part of the most inclusive administration Washington has ever seen.

But, my friends, I have had to make some difficult decisions. In the interest of transparency, I am committed to filling the top positions in the Byrnes Administration well before the 2008 election, so that the American people know the caliber of bloggers I will be bringing to Washington.

Obviously, not everyone on my blogroll will be called upon to serve. And not just for reasons of incompetency. As president, I will be expected to make some hard choices, so let me start now.

I am now, of course, a resident of the great state of New Jersey, so my running mate should geographically balance my ticket. I also need a pit bull... someone who's not afraid to rip our opposition to shreds and shoot them in their faces show them to be the corrupt un-American scoundrels they almost certainly are. I have thought long and hard about this, and have decided that the next Vice President of the United States should be... Jeffrey Ricker, from the great state of Missouri.

The next most important position to fill is that of Secretary of State. I need a diplomat... an anti-Ricker, if you will. This is sort of tough, because most of the people on my blogroll are... well, let's face it, bitches. The closest thing I have to pleasant and smart over in that right-hand column will be the next Secretary of State: Becky Cochrane, from the great state of Texas. Plus, she can be responsible for our campaign buttons.

I think you will agree with me that my first two selections are uniquely qualified to lead this country... certainly every bit as qualified as I am.

Coming soon: my selections for Press Secretary, Treasury, Defense, and other major positions.


Earlier: "My Hat Is In the Ring"