MEMO TO BUSH, CHENEY, KERRY, EDWARDS, THE MEDIA AND EVERYONE ELSE:
VIETNAM IS SO SEVENTIES
Once again wearily speaking on behalf of the world, I hereby declare the following items officially over:

swift boats, National Guard service, Cambodia, Vietnam, Jane Fonda, draft deferrals, Purple Hearts, and pretty much everything else that happened pre-1975.

Instead, you and your compatriots are encouraged to devote a little more energy to the following:

Iraq, terrorism, the economy, trade issues, the role of the United States of America in a complex and increasingly international world, health care, and issues of relevance in 2004.

Honestly, if I hear anymore 'he said/he said' squabbling over a war that ended 30 years ago -- and squabbling between a lot of people who avoided that war, at that -- I am going to smack your collective heads together. Let it go. All of you.

Got it? Thanks. I'll be here if you need any more guidance.