Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Dear Cumming:

Now that almost four years have passed, I think it's time to bury the hatchet. It is time for that silly rivalry that began when our first books were published simultaneously to come to an end. Yes, you got the media attention and bookshelf space, but I got something better: capitalized Fame. And deals for two more books. So there's no reason why we shouldn't get on with our lives.

And in any event, in September -- when my new novel, When the Stars Come Out -- is released, I will apparently have a new rival. Remember that guy who was Governor of New Jersey, and his administration was being investigated, and then suddenly he was on television proclaiming himself a 'Gay American'? Yeah... him. Well, it seems that Bernard Kerik's former mistress is publishing his biography.

In September.

Cumming, you were a worthy arch-enemy, but now we both must move on. You must go back to perfecting your Tim Curry impersonation, and I must move forward, and take down the Gay American. Knee-cap the motherfucker Golanfucker, if I have to. You understand, right?

But what times we had, Cumming. What times we had... Remember June 28, 2005?... November 20, 2003?... October 26, 2004?... Good times, good times. I will always cherish those memories.

And McGreevey? Watch your back. I've been gay a lot longer than you've been.

Related: Famous Author Rob Byrnes mocks Bernie Kerik.

Related: Famous Author Rob Byrnes reacts to the Gay American.