UH...
Words almost fail me.

Filmmaker David Lynch will announce during a global webcast (www.DavidLynchFoundation.org) on Tuesday, May 1, at 12 noon (EDT), the David Lynch Foundation’s new plan to end school violence: Teach one million students around the world to meditate to transform schools from breeding grounds of stress and violence into centers of creativity and peace.

Meditation seminars will be taught to the students by one-eyed dwarves talking backwards as they use chainsaws to cut off the limbs of virgins accompanied by Julee Cruise singing atonal, haunting melodies.

Okay, maybe I added that second paragraph.

Or maybe not.