RETURN OF SPEWIE

Man! I tell you, if they don't institute IQ tests or breathalyzers or something soon as a requirement to access the World Wide Webamajiggies, we're doomed!

Or... not so much.

Oh yeah, I should tell you what I'm talking 'bout. Remember a few months ago when Crazy-Ass Spewie was spewing? (Here and here are your reminders.) Well, he has reared his head again.

I feel sort of sorry for him -- because I am starting to realize that this craziness can only be explained if he was someone I "dated" once or twice, then realized he was crazy not suitable -- so I responded to his latest nutty nutiness blog post with a well reasoned, thoughtful e-mail (he guards his comments. *shrug* Go figure.) And I wrote:

Okay, "NG" -- or, as I will always fondly remember you, "Spewie" -- I have to admit that I can't figure out how to leave a comment on your website. Sorry about that. If there is a way to do it, please let me know, because I don't want you to feel blindsided. If I could leave a simple comment, I would; since I can't well... gotta blog! Feel free to respond, but use my entire comment. And remember to add that *I* have the courage to use my name. Last time I looked, "NG" was not a name, big, tough, TOUGH guy. *insert Sarah Palin wink here*

In the meantime, please know that I am about to mock you. You are apparently 100% humor- and irony-challenged, and I'm actually sort of surprised that you have the ability to breathe without a bell to remind you it's time. Meaning... I think I might know you!

Did we date once or something? Is *that* why you're such a bitter, misguided crazy-man toward me? Because I will admit that I have had some bad relationships, and sometimes it's been my fault. If that is the case, and therefore the reason you are obsessively (sadly, misguidedly, creepily) following me , well... I think I was right. But I'm sure you were, um, "pretty" and have a "good personality." Oh, and you were also "good in bed." And I mean no insult by putting things in quotes. No, really... not at all.

Seriously, you might be nuts, meaning we probably *did* date! I pretty much think anyone with seven intact brain cells could get the joke on my blog, and although I'm a bit scared of your potential stalkiness (my own word; trademark pending) I should probably tell you that it would be best if you'd forget our past -- especially since *I* seem to have done that -- and move on. Again, you were "pretty," had a "good personalituy," and were "good in bed." Hey -- take this to Craigslist or Manhunt and RUN with it!

If all else fails, they have new pills all the time and you should ask your pediatrician. Again, if you want a recommendation...

--Famous Author Rob Byrnes

Update: not only can you not leave comments at my possibly-ex-trick NG's blog, but you have to give up too much information to even send an e-mail. The poor thing can read it here if he wants. I do hope he stops by, because he was almost certainly "pretty" with a "good personality" and "good in bed." Most ugly, live-in-the-basement sociopaths are!