DUBIOUS ACHIEVEMENTS

You know how Esquire magazine features the annual 'Dubious Achievement Awards'?

And you know the running "why is this man laughing?" gag?

Here's the image, just in case your memory is faulty.Or in case you neither knew nor cared.

Well... even he isn't laughing at this. (Update: you're gonna have to click it bigger to see what I mean.)



Damn liberal media, trying to tie the Palinator to Nixon!

Wait, what? It was the New York Post? Oh.

HEADLINER!

Just when I was beginning to think no one loved me -- except tens, maybe even twenties*, of adoring fans -- Spewie has honored me in the title of a blog entry! It still makes no sense whatsoever, but it's better than that bitch Cloris Leachman has given me.

Spewie still doesn't get it, but that's okay. According to his profile, he's a blogger and consultant, meaning that he really only gets to deal with parents hollering form him to get out of the basement and get some fresh air every now and then, so the 'human interaction' thing might take him a while. In the meantime, I'm glad I can help.

Plus: it's not as if I'm the most popular Man With A Blog, so every bit helps. If this keeps up, I could be a blogging supahstah! Towleroad... Joe... watch out!



* - 'scores,' yes, I know. Go with the jokes, okay?

BELIEVIN' IT WHEN I SEE IT

In other words, unlike him and him and them (and God knows how many others, because teh bloggerz are lemmings), I don't trust Perez Hilton on this.



If that's a real cover, he's got the only copy. People sure isn't rushing to break it's own alleged exclusive.

Not that it's not true. Just not a true story. At least, as of this moment. There's a difference.

ALMOST IMMEDIATE UPDATE: I'm starting to slightly change my mind, but only because I saw another copy of the cover without 'Perez Hilton' stamped all over it, and it didn't look obviously 'shopped. In which case: congratulations, Clay, and we all look forward to your imminent appearance on Dancing with the Stars.

SIGN O' THE TIMES

Seen on my walk through Midtown Manhattan this morning:


Formerly known as Lehman Brothers

That certainly didn't take long.

COWARDLY AUTHOR ROB BYRNES?

Hmm. What to make of this? Random apparently-liberal blogger calls me a right-winger and a coward.

I'm not sure what I've written that passes for right-wing in, oh, 25 years (although I'll cop to moderation on occasion). Was it this or this or this or this or this?

But I suppose political philosophy is in the eye of the beholder. And any beholder can get a free blog and start ranting. Eh.

But calling me a 'coward' in his comments? That's a bizarre word to use. It makes me think this guy just spews, without giving any thought to what the hell his fingers are typing. You can call me angry, stupid, silly, obnoxious, boring, idiotic, immature, irrelevant, childish, out of touch, or any number of things, but coward? Them's fightin' words.

You see, one of us uses his real name (that would be me), and the other blogs untruths using anonymous initials (that would be Spewie.)

So now... who's the coward?

Sorry, Spewie, but I didn't throw the first fistful of sand in the sandbox. Better luck next time. Back to your corner now.

PIGS AND FISH

I tried to upload the following at The Malcontent, but kept getting thrown off so left it as a comment, instead. But I wanted to also post it here, because it sums up how I feel about the 2008 presidential campaign and, most recently, Barack Obama's 'lipstick on a pig/fish in a newspaper' remarks:



*****

Listen, Obama wasn’t my first choice as a candidate. Nor my second. Meaning that even this future Obama voter knows that the guy isn’t perfect.

But I find it disingenuous — if not downright ridiculous — to read lectures on how mean the Obama campaign is, compared to the genial, sweet, positively angelic Republicans. Obviously there is a lot of short-term memory loss going on here (and across the nation), but if you think back, oh, several minutes ago, no doubt you’ll remember Michelle Obama’s “whitey” speech (aka, a right wing smear); Barack Obama’s forged birth certificate (aka, a right wing smear); the Obama-is-a-secret-Muslim meme (aka, a right wing smear); the Obama-doesn’t-wear-a-flag-pin-or-salue-the-flag-and-therefore-hates-America meme, which was often delivered by Fox commentators not wearing flag pins (aka, a right wing smear), and on and on. And, most recently, Malkin and the fools who take her seriously and are outraged because Obama was ‘disrespectful’ and ‘uncomfortable’ at the 9-11 commemoration… although I’ve watched that clip and don’t see whatever *they* see. Must be because I wasn’t wearing my partisan blinders. Whatever; I guess if you throw pit bulls — whether they’re wearing lipstick or not — red meat, they’ll eat it.

In any event, given the barrage of over-the-top Obama hating from the right in recent months, this skirmish over pigs and fish seems particularly childish. That having been said, I wish both parties and their partisans would focus on the important issues facing this country, instead of schoolyard taunts.

But maybe I expect too much.

*****



I'm going to have to run for president one of these days, just to show you how it should be done.

SPECIAL NEEDS

Seriously, Gawker and Wonkette editors and commenters, I am worried about you.

For the record: my score was 90%. Then again, I don't think I ever knew the name of that school, so I excuse myself.

Take the quiz. If you score less than 60%, please don't brag. In fact, don't tell me about it.

THE THINGS WE NO LONGER HAVE

Others are remembering this seventh anniversary of the 9/11 attacks far more eloquently and vividly than I can. I was a New Yorker, but wasn't in New York at the time.

But here's my modest contribution, the thought of which still chills me. I was at a Hallmark shop a few days later, looking for a sympathy card to send to an acquaintance whose father had died in the attack on the World Trade Center.

The racks were as bare as those for Christmas cards on December 29.

This city -- a city of 8 million people -- was sold out of sympathy cards.

The images we watched on telvision were horrifying and overwhelming. But for some of us the true horror of 9-11 hit home in the tiniest, yet most inconceivable, details.