A MILLION LITTLE EXCUSES
I apologize for the unplanned mini-hiatus. First, I had a million little pieces of business to handle for the day job. Since that pays the bills, those million little pieces had priority.

Second, my page proofs came back for When the Stars Come Out. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be of great significance. Unfortunately, there were a million little errors -- most happening in the production process, a few my own problems with continuity that I missed during copy-editing -- so that became a time-killer. I mean, my name is going on that book, kids. Know what I'm saying?

Third, I had my eyes examined recently. I've never had my pupils dilated before... now that is a supposedly fun thing I'll never do again. Anyway, I regret to inform you that the new contact lenses are not compatible with doing a lot of reading and writing, and I keep forgetting my glasses, so I have been handicapping myself for the past week. (Uh... I ain't got a 'million little' thing for you here. So much for a theme.)

Then there is four: the short story my editors are so patiently waiting for. The good news is that after a surprisingly vigorous debate over the geographical location of Altoona, Pennsylvania last night at a bar in DC, I now know how to wrap it up. It's coming... it's coming... although I know my editors have heard that a million little times before.

Fifth, as I noted in the preceding paragraph, I am currently in Washington DC for the Lambda Literary Foundation Awards tonight. I also plan to finally meet FAG there. I have also been requested to make a drive-by through Book Expo America tomorrow. Oh, the million little demands upon the Famous Author...

Six: tomorrow I bring home Bradykins, who is about to reinvent his life as a New Yorker. Obviously, he's not the only one looking at making a million little adjustments in his life... but it's all good.

So I guess you can see that the past few weeks have been intense. I shall return, though. And maybe even with some readable content.


So that's my story. In the meantime, does anyone know what happened here?



UPDATE: Also, I totally forgot that I'm slowly dying from MSOD. Which is another excuse, and a great one at that. Can you imagine how busy I am, to have totally forgotten that?

DYNASTY
If this madness extends to brother Neil I am so Canadian!

POSEIDON II: THE BUZZKILL
An interesting analysis of our fascination with disaster movies... right up until the last three paragraphs.

::snore::

FLIRTING WITH DISASTER MOVIES
A confession, and one that isn't really even all that embarrassing: I heart the 1972 movie The Poseidon Adventure.


Yes, it's campy. But c'mon, it's fun! And if you were a teenager kid in the early '70s, you can't help but have great memories of it. Uh... and when I write of memories, I mean *cough* real memories *cough*, not made-up stupid shit posing as expertise when in reality you don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

I own it on VHS. I own it on DVD. I've read the book. I even inserted a reference to The Poseidon Adventure into my new book. So you'd think I'd be excited about the remake that's being released on Friday, wouldn't you?

Uh... no.

It's not the B-list cast that bothers me. Please... I love a movie that stars Carol Lynley, Stella Stevens, and Roddy McDowall.

It's not the hype. In September, I am going to positively flog people into buying When the Stars Come Out, so I won't be a hypocrite about it.

It's not even that the remake stars Kurt Russell, about whom I have my own theory.

No, my problem is this (and if you originally guessed Kurt Russell, you would be half-right): Russell's character, Robert Ramsey, is a former mayor of New York City.

Think about that for a moment.

Then think of the former mayors of New York City.

See what I mean?

In real life, mayors of New York City are not capable of leading people to safety through the bowels of a capsized luxury liner. That is what maverick preachers, ex-cops, and Shelley Winters (before she *cough* doesn't *cough* "drown" with "bulging eyes" and "flailing arms" in "boiling water") are for. Mayors of New York City are capable of some significant things -- banishing smokers, dressing in drag, taking credit for the success of others, nagging and whining, et cetera -- but rescuing Richard Dreyfuss? I don't think so. Hell, even the arguably most heroic ex-mayor -- Rudy Giuliani, of 'saving the Roosevelt Island Tram passengers' fame -- would stay right in the overturned ballroom until every last shard of glass was picked up and he figured out who was to blame for the mess. Don't tell me he'd be squeezing his combover through ventilation ducts. Nuh-uh... no way.

That having been said, I'll probably see the remake at some point. I cannot live forever in the past with the classics. But will my heart be in it? I doubt it.

Could be worse, I suppose. Could be Silent Hill.

CONFIDENTIAL TO TEEJ
If you haven't heard from me, it's not for lack of trying. But over the weekend a few e-mails I sent you late last week were returned as undeliverable. I'll work on that from my end, but -- in the meantime -- know that I have received your e-mail, thank you for your patience, and will deliver the package before you go to New Orleans. Also, thanks for forwarding me those photos of you in drag. I agree with your comment that you make a 'very fetching young lass.'

What? Oh, don't worry... no one else will read that. It does say 'Confidential to Teej' in the title, after all. No one would be rude enough to read a private message meant for someone else.

TO END THE WEEK: THIS IS ALL I'VE GOT FOR YOU

Cinco de Mayo Clinic

I know, I know... I'm a bad, bad blogger. Maybe I'll pep up next week (but no promises).

THE ALMOST-MARRIED MAN
Things are not quiet here in FamousAuthorRobByrnesLand these days. I am crazy busy at work and I still owe some fine people a short story, um... last week? But it's been 8 days since I teased you with talk of big news on the relationship front, and now all can be revealed.

In a few short weeks -- three years, two months, and five days after our relationship began -- Bradykins will be packing up the car and moving from DC to NYC. I'm even letting him stay in my apartment for a while the rest of my life.

Now we just have to get one of those Chinese babies and I'll be completely domesticated.*


* -- Just kidding. See you later at the bar.