MORE OF TEH GAYZ IN ALBANY?

Maybe so.

I guess I left state government twelve years or so too soon... although it's never too late to jump back into the pool, and I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to be Lieutenant Governor. I do know where the State Fair is located, you know, not to mention all of the bathrooms in the Capitol and the Legislative Office Building.

True, that 'living in New Jersey' thing might be a hitch, but after New York State annexes the Gold Coast, that should no longer be an obstacle. I'd better get Paterson working on that right away.

IT'S BARNEY FRANK, RIGHT?

Carl Levin? Chuck Schumer? Diane Feinstein? Uh... Barbra Streisand?

This guy is gonna keep me guessing all night. Damn you, Michael Goldfarb and your Top-Secret/Highly-Classified/Ain't-Gonna-Tell-No-One-Nothin' quasi-information!!

FAID AND BALANCER

Yay! Fox does it again! And all is right with the world.


Earlier: "The Gang That Couldn't Spin Straight"

THE MYSTERIES OF PITTSBURGH

"...and then I said, well McCain's not all bad, and the Palins are probably nice enough neighbors, so this huge Negro held me down and..."

THE APPLE THAT FELL FAR FROM THE TREE

Take one part handsome, athletic, driven man. Add one part most beautiful woman in the world. And get...



...the very definition of Epic Fail? Yeah, genetics can be a cruel, cruel, thing.

My favorite part of the Post article:

"They were great parents," the 53-year-old Kennedy told The Post outside of his Ridgewood home last night. "I couldn't ask for anything better."

My real parents were Bogie and Bacall, but you don't see me making a federal case over it, do you? Just saying.

UH... MISSOURI?

We haven't had fun at Queerty's expense for a while. So...



The thing is that this senate race is in Mississippi, which is nowhere near Minnesota, although -- to be fair -- it does share the same first two letters. Making it a better-than-average guess, by Queerty standards.

PERFECT TIMING

A just-captured headline from the CBS web site. Sponsorship courtesy of DrillBabyDrill, Inc.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Barack Hussein Obama. That's a scary name for a lot of people out there.

But you know what really scares me? A name like John Sidney McCain! Think about it.

John Dillinger
John Wayne Gacy
John Hinckley
John Birch
John Wilkes Booth
John Ehrlichman
John Holmes!
John Tucker Must Die!

Oh, and Sid Vicious! Not to mention famous homosexual Sidney Shorr!

I don't know about you folks, but I'll take my chances with Barry Hussein. We do not need a serial-killing racist assassin porn star criminal in the Oval Office. Even if he is a gay who looks like Jesse Metcalfe.

Do the right thing, America. No Johns, no how!

MAN OF THE YEAR: JUDGE WILLIAM DITTER

Why? Click and read.

LEGALLY BROWN

I love this story. Especially this sentence:

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

I will have to ask Bradykins -- who, with very blond hair and blond highlights, is about as blond as blond can be -- if I am paying his blondness adequate attention.

I have a feeling the answer will be no.

IS SOMEONE MISSING A PALIN?

I ask because I think I've found a long-lost missing daughter in Ferndale, Michigan.

THE TOP 100... WHAT?

I... uh... I don't know what to say. I wasn't able to find the context for this list -- or a note from the editors explaining that this is some weirdass Australian prank that maybe you have to be an Aussie to understand -- so I'll have to accept at face value that someone, somewhere, things this is a legitimate list of the Top 100 Books of All Time.

I feel sorry for that person. He or she has to look forward to a long, difficult life of mockery, humiliation, and disgrace.

REUNION

Back in August, the family (well, my mother's side, that is, along with a few of my father's relatives) were together up in Rochester to scatter her ashes in Lake Ontario. On my father's side, the same group got together that evening -- along with my father, stepmother, and 50 or 60 of their nearest and dearest -- to celebrate his 75th birthday and their 25th anniversary.

That was seven weeks ago and I'm still familied out.

Anyway, not that you asked, but here's the group photo. Apologies in advance for the quality, but it's a scan of a scan, and you know how that goes. (Click for bigger, natch.)

From left: my sister Marje, aunt Carolyn, Uncle Doug and his wife Mary Ann, brother Tim and his son Damien Daniel, me, Bradykins, Tim's wife Cheryl, Marje's might-as-well-be-husband John, and my cousin Kathy and her father, my Uncle Bob (who was married to my father's late sister.)

Okay, now scroll away from the photo and get ready for your quiz...

STRAIGHT LIES: THE COVER

As I promised the other day, here are scans of the new book cover. Which, I am obligated to remind you, will be on the shelves in just six short months, give or take a week. But don't worry about forgetting... you will be reminded again. And again and again and again.

The front cover:
I like this. I was looking for something that said 'whacky and frenetic,' and I think Kensington delivered.

The back cover:


And, from an inside cover, my bio:
Yes, I finally rewrote it, after all these years. You'll note there is no Official Author Photo; I think The Powers That Be at Kensington figured that an eight year old image wasn't going to cut it anymore... even though I am as youthful as ever.

So there's your cover. To see what's in between those pages, you'll just have to wait a few months. You'll be fine.

SCOOPED

I plan on scanning it this weekend, but David Puterbaugh scooped me on the full-color book jacket for next year's non-Lambda Literary Award-winning novel Straight Lies.

It is yellow. Like the sun that gives us life. So start saving up, yo!

BAD/WORSE

Bad: pronouncing it 'nukular.'

Worse: obviously thinking about the pronunciation as you're mispronouncing the word.

That being said, last night's debate went just as I expected. Everyone was on good behavior; no one suffered an embarrassing gaffe; and Biden won by any measure except that of people who decided well in advance of the debate that Palin would win.

Now if the Democrats can hold it together for just 32 more days...

Or am I asking too much?

NUMBER 11 WILL JUST HAVE TO TRY HARDER

Via Gawker, Forbes has published its list of the ten best paid authors. Surprisingly missing: me.

An aside, if you'll indulge me for a moment: next year, Follett, you won't be able to hide behind Oprah's skirt. As soon as I take care of Phyllis, I'm gunning for you. Take that as your only warning, old man.

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

I have a big birthday coming up. People who love me will get me this as a present.



Thank you in advance.

(via FailBlog)