Wednesday, September 24, 2003

WHERE'S ROB?
Sorry I haven't posted much recently, but work has been busy. And I'll be posting even less in the days to come, because I'm sneaking off to beautiful Rochester, NY -- a.k.a. "the Paris of Upstate" -- for some overdue family-bonding and a long weekend of hanging out in random bars.

But you'll find something to do with yourselves while I'm gone. I think.

By the way, I'm finally getting my hair cut this evening. Cute hair again! Yay! Just thought you'd like to know.

FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF "THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE"
Alanis makes Brazil gaffe in Peru
(Via Drudge)

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

G'DAY, MATE!
"Australia 'world's gayest country'"
(via Drudge)

Friday, September 19, 2003

WHY I'M A NEW YORKER
Because in Minneapolis/St. Paul, they post things like this on Craigslist.
And in Phoenix they post things like this.
And in Seattle, they post things like this.
And in Toronto, they post things like this. (Of course. Toronto!)

But in New York, they post things like this.

Yeah, I belong here...

GAYPOCALYPSE NOW
Chrisafer made this! And I just found it! Too, too funny.

THE UNSEXY LIST
The staff of Nerve presents "fifty genital-retracting people, places and things." And I'll still be laughing hours from now.
(Via Gawker)

TOO MUCH FUN FOR A THURSDAY NIGHT
or, OW OW OW OW OW!

I'm moving a bit slowly this morning. Maybe I should have gone home when people first told me I should go home, instead of several hours later.

The party began around 6:00 at Posh on West 51st Street with Lisa Stocker's launch party for her new novel P-Town Summer. Lots of people... lots of books sold... lots of fun...

And then I should have gone home. But I didn't.

Because -- much to my surprise -- as Lisa's party began to wind down, I ran into the lovely and talented Karen Mack (and Judy Barnett!) who were at Posh to celebrate the birthday of my Imaginary Boyfriend, Michael Holland.

I woke up this morning with a hangover and a bag full of... plastic dinoaurs? I hope that means I had a good time.

BREAKING NEWS:
RIGHT-WING ZEALOTS FIND LINK BETWEEN
SEXUALITY AND ECONOMIC POLICY

I have always been mystified by the thought processes of most right-wingers (and more than a few others) when it comes to issues related to sexuality and the wallet. For instance, one New York State legislator I used to know quite well could never get his head around the concept of domestic partner benefits for state workers, arguing that it would be a drain on the budget.

Er... maybe I missed something, but I pay taxes too, right? So it made sense that I helped pay for benefits for his wife and children, but he couldn't reciprocate if I had a dependent partner? Ahem. I think not.

The AP reports that a new version of this game has now played out in Arizona, where former State Rep. Steve May -- a Republican, let me add -- has been booted from the leadership of the anti-tax group Club for Growth after some loonies made a fuss over May's homosexuality.

Quoteth Lead Loonie Len Munsil, president of Center for Arizona Policy: "Politely let (the Club for Groth) know conservatives will not support an organization led by a liberal gay activist who has declared war on social conservatives in Arizona."

Get that? May declared war on social conservatives.

Social.

Note that Munsil said nothing about fiscal policy (which -- last time I checked -- was what an anti-tax group is by definition concerned about.) Also note that the Center for Arizona Policy's web page lists its agenda, and taxes/economic policy is nowhere to be found. (But the mythic 'Homosexual Agenda' is there, of course.)

Just more crazy right-wing wackadoo bullshit.

The Center for Arizona Policy has a "Presidential Payer Team" that this week is busy praying for GW, John Snow, and Johnny Cash. Next week maybe they should pray for their own souls.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

NEXT YEAR'S MUST-READ BOOK MOVES FORWARD
Oh, yeah, I have some good news to report. My editor just e-mailed me ('just' meaning 'yesterday') to tell me that, except for the standard line edit, the manuscript for my next novel is good to go. No major revisions... no more late nights hunched over my keyboard, trying to get the words out (for a while)... no bad shit at all. I can just sit back and wait for UPS to deliver my National Book Award.

Trust Fund Boys: coming in June, 2004 from Kensington. Start saving your pennies.

NO, NO... IT'S TORNADOS YOU HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT, NOT HURRICANES!

Trailer Park On Staten Island Prepares For Isabel

(By the way: Staten Island has a trailer park?)

GOOD FOR KEVIN AND JOE
"U.S. customs says Canadian gay couple not a family"
(From the usually lameass The Advocate)

THINGS TO DO IF YOU'RE BORED TONIGHT
1. 601am and Gothamist are sponsoring a Happy Hour tonight at Remote Lounge, which is somewhere south of East 14th Street, meaning I'm not allowed to go, 'cause I'll get lost. Instead I'll be at:

2. The launch party for Lisa Stocker's new novel P-Town Summer, which will be from 6 PM - 9PM tonight at Posh, on West 51st Street near Ninth Avenue. Come on down and buy a book or six from Lisa. And if you happen to bring a copy of my book, I'll even sign it for you. I'm just that giving. Or you can:

3. Stay home and watch Stupid Behavior Caught on Tape, you big loser.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE CAN KILL YOU
Just ask John Nunes of Days Creek, Oregon.

(Memo to John Nunes: Sometimes it's less embarrassing to lie and tell the cops you fell asleep at the wheel.)
(Via Drudge)

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

P.S., IT'S BRIAN'S BIRTHDAY
If you're so inclined, pop over to Tales from the City and wish Brian the 646 Guy a happy 29th birthday. (I've owed him e-mail for a week, but this is as close as he's getting to a present. Besides, what do you get a 29 year old for a gift? Mittens? Lincoln Logs? I have no idea anymore...)

ADVENTURES IN STRIKE-THROUGHS
If you checked in within the past hour, and were curious why there was a nonsense word with a line through it, I can assure you that you didn't miss anything. I was merely playing in Blogger, trying to see if I knew how to strike through a word, and didn't realize I had posted my experiment.

Sometimes, I'm such a dumbass industrious young man.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

STOP, THIEF!
Now, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, but I think Sullivan is stealing links from me. I mean, I beat him to this and this, and I have a full-time job that isn't blogging.

I'm just sayin, is all...

ASIDE: I'll be light on the entries this week. Lots of work... Thursday Board meeting... I know you'll miss me, but you only think you won't be able to go on. Things will be just fine. Really.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

HARROWING
That's the only word to describe the article titled "The Falling Man" at Esquire.com. It's tough, but do yourself a favor and read it through.
(Via A Small Victory)

REMEMBER THEIR NAMES
Wow. Moments ago I clicked on 601am and, well... let's just say that Aaron, without one word of editorializing, has posted the most poignant memorial to the victims of the World Trade Center.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

YOU SEE WHAT RICHARD CHAMBERLAIN HAS STARTED?!
Another celebrity -- Tab Hunter -- comes out in his dotage. Millions of old women sitting at home with their cats finally give up all hope.

PSST! WANNA FREE BOOK?

I just received a shipment of the new, hot-off-the-presses trade paperback version of my novel The Night We Met, and I've decided to try an adventure in marketing.

Here's the deal: the first six people to contact me will receive a free, autographed book. Forget the cover price, forget the tax, even forget the shipping and handling. I will take care of all of that.

Here's what you have to do in exchange:

If you have a web site, you must post a review. I don't care what the review says, as long as it reflects your opinion. (Okay, I really do, but I'll take an honest review over meaningless pandering, 'cause I'm just that self-secure.)

If you don't have a web site, you must post your honest opinion at Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.com.

Come on, now. This is a $14 value. Plus an Official Autograph, which really makes it a... $14.25 value. So don't delay.

Monday, September 08, 2003

BAD, BAD BOOK COVER ART
The artwork on book jackets will forever be a bone of contention between writers and the editors, art directors, and alleged marketing wizards representing the interests of their publishers. And guess who ends up winning. Every time.

Writers grouse about their cover art because that's what we do as an excuse for not writing. Still, it's always fun to let others do the sniping. That's why I'm pleased to present:

Cover Contest 2002

'Cause romance fiction covers don't get much worse than these. Enjoy!

MR. PATRICK WALLACE AND THE TEPID PORK DINNER
I've been a bit unamused by some of his recent columns, but TRL's favorite Writer on the Loose is finally back in form. In this installment of his life in Apopka, Florida, Mr. Patrick Wallace tries out a new pork restaurant, drives his vibrating Roadmaster, and deals with the mouse at the library.

53%
In case you ever wondered how I score on the Gay-O-Meter.

THESE WOULD BE CALLED DUDS...

NOT EXACTLY THE BESTSELLER LIST
Monday, September 8, 2003, 2:15 PM:

Rank of my novel on Amazon, 12 months after release: 33,080

Rank of my ex's computer geek book on Amazon, 19 months after release: 33,438

Who are all you people who are interested in Enterprise JM... Enterprise J... whatever. Who are you?

And why aren't you buying my book?

Friday, September 05, 2003

I LOVE MY FORMER CO-WORKERS!
...because they just called to tell me that I was a dead-ringer for this picture of Antonio Sabato, Jr., as reprinted in today's New York Post.


Total, unconditional love...

THE NAKED GOVERNOR
Let's hope no New York State muralists think this is a good idea, because I'm pretty sure a visual of a nude George Pataki would make me go blind.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

EICHENSTRASSE, BETWEEN YORCKSTRASSE
AND KRONPRIZESSINEN,
AND STEP ON IT

If the Nazis had conquered Manhattan in WWII, I would have had a hell of a tongue-twisting time getting home from My Regular Biergarten at Schumannstrasse and Konigen Elizabeth Strasse in the Wilmersdorf section of Neu-York.

Then again, I suppose we'd all have worse problems, like that pesky 'imprisonment, torture, and death' thing...
(Link via Kottke)

NOW THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT
Since I spent yesterday in full "I'm here/I'm queer" mode, I totally forgot to mention that I really want to see this:

POSEIDON: AN UPSIDE-DOWN MUSICAL

No, I mean I really want to see it!

A PROMOTION
I have now been elected to the Gay Mafia. Considering the fact that I haven't done much strong-arming yet, I am truly honored. Maybe the kids at Let Me Get This Straight read my book...

IN FAIRNESS TO JONAH...
Aaron points out that maybe I was just a bit too hard on Jonah Goldberg in yesterday's posts, and I'll concede the point. In fairness to Jonah, he is a conservative who has been generally notable in his non-hostility to the gay population. Yes, he opposes gay marriage, but he has recognized that there should be a civil alternative.

I think that's why his comments in NRO's The Corner yesterday pissed me off. I expected better from him than the equivalent of a cheap shot.

I'm hardly a Gay Separatist, but -- at the risk of repeating myself -- it's comments like his that remind me that there are a lot of people out there who not only Don't Get It, but Refuse to Get It.

At a certain point, the truly evil and the clueless share common ground. When well-meaning moderates buy into right-wing mythology/demonology, no good can result.

(Great. Now I just pissed myself off again. I shouldn't do politics first thing in the morning...)

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

THE NOT-ALLOWED-TO-BE-MARRIED LIST
Jonah Goldberg's stupid comments (see the post below) got me thinking. Maybe Jonah has a point. Maybe he's right, and people with a non-monogamous attitude toward marriage should not have it as an option.

Therefore, I hereby (and unilaterally) declare that the following people must divorce immediately, pursuant to the Goldberg Rule:

* Bill & Hillary Clinton (of course)
* Rep. & Mrs. Henry Hyde
* Former Rep. & Mrs. Bob Livingston
* Rep. & Mrs. Dan Burton
* Former Rep. & Mrs--du jour Newt Gingrich
* Former Mayor & Mrs. Rudy Giuliani

These were off the top of my head, but if you have a name to add, e-mail me.

MORE GAY MARRIAGE B.S. FROM THE RIGHT
Damn, I really don't want to discuss this to death, but why are conservatives so... well, dumb when it comes to the issue of gay marriage? For instance, take this comment posted by Jonah Goldberg on National Review Online earlier today:

Gays in Canada don't want marriage because marriage is "too conservative" for folks who don't believe in such things as monogamy. Here's a quote worth pondering:

"Ambiguity is a good word for the feeling among gays about marriage,"
said Mitchel Raphael, editor in chief of Fab, a popular gay magazine in
Toronto. "I'd be for marriage if I thought gay people would challenge
and change the institution and not buy into the traditional meaning of
`till death do us part' and monogamy forever. We should be Oscar
Wildes and not like everyone else watching the play."

Fine, fine. But if that's the attitude toward marriage, they shouldn't have marriage as an option.


Now, honestly... is Jonah Goldberg a complete and utter moron? Does he ride the short bus to work? Let's find out exactly how many leaps of logic he made in the excerpt above (most of which is a quote from the New York Times, by the way):

1. I know many gay men and lesbians. None of us know Mitchel Raphael. Therefore, Mitchel Raphael speaks for Mitchel Raphael, and not for the rest of us. Get that, Jonah?

2. "(M)arriage is too conservative for those who don't believe in... monogamy." True, I suppose, although the institution of marriage seems to be held dear by a few hundred million heterosexuals who have their own zipper problems. In any event, though, do the opinions of a handful of people quoted in the Times story -- again, none of whom I know -- represent the opinion of every homosexual on the planet? If so, where's the proof? If not, why the comment that we shouldn't have marriage as an option?

3. Astute readers -- which apparently do not include Jonah Goldberg -- will note that the Times article is entirely anecdotal. Unless I missed something, they conducted no polls. The article certainly represents some opinions within the GLBT community, but even the Times doesn't pretend it's a detailed study destined for a Pulitzer Prize.

4. Again, if Jonah had read that article and thought about it, maybe he would have realized that those homosexuals who do not want to make that ultimate commitment are not getting married. That's why there's a big discrepancy between the number of registered partners and the number seeking marriage licenses. Is dumbass Jonah really saying that gay people committed to monogamy and wanting to get married should be penalized because those uncommitted to monogamy do not want to get married?

Every time I start to feel complacent, intellectually-dishonest people like Jonah Goldberg remind me that there is a reason to stay angry. Jonah Goldberg would not be able to survive a day dealing with the unthinking petty indignities that the gay population deals with on a daily basis from people like him.

AND YET ANOTHER LINK
Elizabeth Spiers (she of Gawker fame) has a web log. I love her wit and her writing style, but for some reason I keep forgetting to read her blog.

Mostly because I'm a dumbass with an alcohol-shrivelled brain.

Anyway, I will correct this huge error by linking to her... now. That way, I won't forget.

Oh yes... you should be reading her, too!

SPEAKING OF P-TOWN SUMMERS...
Lisa Stocker's novel P-Town Summer has just been released by Kensington Publishing Company (who?). I'm about three-quarters through it and thoroughly enjoying myself.

So buy it now. Hurry!

Lisa -- who, by the way, is a delight -- will also be celebrating her book launch with a little party at Posh (where?) on West 51st Street on the evening of Thursday, September 18, and you're invited. If you would like to go, e-mail me (or directly e-mail Lisa) so she has a head count.

See you there, right?

BACK FROM A P-TOWN SUMMER
Andrew Sullivan has returned. Quite often, he annoys me, but I forgive him because, when he's right, he's got the sharpest keyboard on the Internet. And when he's wrong, he may be infuriating, but he's not irrelevant. (Like he cares what I think...)

I must remember to add a link to his site on the sidebar.

UPDATE: I remembered.

3,176
That's the ranking in popularity (or at least commonality) of my surname in the United States, according to this web site. Just for fun, I ran the surnames of a few friends to determine who's the most... common. The results:

Allen: 28
Kelly: 67
Siemens: 23,707
Valenta: 18,029
Scribner: 5,273
Shoolis: Shoolis, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US. (Hahahaha!)
Mendini: Mendini, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US. (Hahahaha)
Rao: 6,020
Kaplan: 1,015
McGraw: 1,487
Donelan: 26,683
Crawford: 136
Vernon: 1,756

Interesting. Well, to me, at least.

Next I decided to check out the names of some of my fictional characters from The Night We Met and my upcoming novel Trust Fund Boys:

From The Night We Met:
Westlake: 11,531
DiBenedetto: DiBenedetto, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US.
Hanrahan: 6,184
Carlyle: 9,461
Waverly: Waverly, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US.
Campbell: 42
Macarini: Macarini, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US.

From Trust Fund Boys:
Revere: 23,634
Brock: 479
Maldonado: 321
Donovan: 702
DeVries: 3,051
Venezuela: Venezuela, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US. (I could have told them that...)
Whitehead: 634
Ryan: 183
King: 32
Golodnya: Golodnya, as a surname, does not exist in this database, because it is not among the top 55,000 most common names in the US. (That, too...)

I probably shouldn't find this quite as interesting as I do.

HOW I SPENT MY WEEKEND
(or, ADVENTURES IN TIME-WASTING)

Friday evening: Go to Happy Hour. Bitch and drink G&Ts because My Regular Bar is out of white wine for the third straight day. Go home. Pass out.

Saturday: Do laundry for the first time in a month. Rediscover clothes I had forgotten I own. Cool.

Saturday evening: Go to Happy Hour. Bitch and drink red wine because My Regular Bar is out of white wine for the fourth straight day. Finally wear bartender down, and he calls for more wine, which arrives via cab 30 minutes later. Go, Rob! After a few drinks, discover that my drinking companion is as unenthusiastic as I am about being out. Go to Gray's Papaya for hot dogs to soak up the booze. Go home. Feel ill. Pass out.

Sunday: Wake, then quickly run to the diner for an omelet before the hangover can kick in full-force. Task accomplished, spend the rest of the afternoon playing solitaire and watching mediocre Chris O'Donnell movies. For fun, pick up copy of Publishers Weekly, then get annoyed for reasons I will not be discussing in a public forum.

Sunday evening: Go to Bronxville for a dinner party. Drink. Hang out until 3 AM. Pass out.

Monday: Return from Bronxville. Watch Boy Meets Boy marathon on Bravo to finally see what all the fuss is about.

Monday evening: Finish watching BMB marathon. Question James's taste in men. Drink. Flesh out notes on ideas for next two books. Pass out.

As for my liver, it is definitely in TGIT mode...

A VOTE FOR A BYRNES
IS NEVER A WASTED VOTE

I don't intend to blog politics here at TRL. Well... mostly.

But if you happen to live in the city of Rochester, NY and you're a Democrat, and you don't have a problem with qualified Republicans, I think it would be sweet if you voted for my sister -- Judge Marjorie Byrnes -- in the September 9 primary election.

Despite the fact that she's my sibling, I wouldn't make the recommendation if she wasn't worth it.