Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.
-- Tom Robbins, not necessarily writing about me at that particular moment.
The Official Web Log of Famous Author Rob Byrnes,
brought to you from the center of the universe:
West New York, New Jersey
Defining Deviancy Down Since 2003
BREAKING NEWS FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT
"Can you express yourself in witty cartoon form?Witty? Well, that, at least, would be a nice change.
Then Queerty wants you!"
She married Frances Gottaschalk back in 1980, but decided to become a woman in 2005, fifteen years into their marriage.
The FARBdex: April, 2008
Environmental campaigner Harrison Ford has had his chest waxed in an effort to showcase the pain involved in deforestation.... (Ford)subjected himself to the painful beauty treatment in a bid to raise awareness about the conversion of global forested areas.
I WON'T MOCK
We all know the proverbial “rubber-necking a train wreck” saying. That is, we know that something will end badly and possibly cost us our lunch, but we indulge anyway. The law doesn’t apply to just disasters and celebrities. It can be projected upon articles, as well.And the reason I won't mock is because I have also typed sentences that don't make any sense at all -- individually or together -- when I've been so drunk I couldn't stand.
I'M A BELIEVER
IF I WROTE THE HEADLINE FOR CBS 3...
YOU KNOW WHAT MUST SUCK?
REALITY TRUST FUND BOYS
“Can I buy you a drink?!”
Startled, I turned to see an older man, his mouth just millimeters from my ear. He had recently dyed his hair an unnatural shade of black, and if I wasn’t mistaken in the discreet lighting he was also wearing an application of make-up over his pale cheeks, giving them an unearthly rosy glow....
“How’s it going, George?” Rick said, but the old man just turned and skulked away.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“His name is George, but we call him the Evil Mime. He’s, like, eighty years old, and once upon a time he even worked with Marcel Marceau. He actually made a career out of being a mime, if you can believe that. If you give him five minutes, he’ll tell you all about it.” Rick paused, then added, “The key is not to give him those five minutes.”
CONGRATULATIONS, MS. COCHRANE
I GUESS I'M CHANGING MY MORNING ROUTINE
WHEN EVEN THE TAG CLOUD CALLS YOU GAY, YOU'VE GOT NOTHING LEFT TO HIDE
ANOTHER LOST WEEKEND
LIBERRY HELP WANTED
MY ONE AND ONLY WARNING
THE VILLAGE VOID
TURNING THE BLOG INTO A POST OFFICE WALL
PUSHING THE BABY BIRDS OUT OF THE NEST
The problem with this everything-is-dangerous outlook is that over-protectiveness is a danger in and of itself. A child who thinks he can’t do anything on his own eventually can’t.Couldn't have said it better myself.
PUBLICITY HO SEEKS ATTENTION
I have no 'I'll see you there' tie-in, but their most recent novel is When You Don't See Me, so the theme lives. Sort of.
[VERY LAME SEGUE!]
And speaking of things that come in multiples, remember that Friend of FARB Andrew W. M. Beierle will be reading from his Lambda Literary Award-nominated conjoined twins novel First Person Plural -- hey, I said the segue was lame -- in Manhattan at KGBBar's Drunken! Careening! Writers! on Thursday, April 17. I'll see you there, right?
[NOT EVEN TRYING TO SEGUE ANYMORE!]
MAKES SENSE TO ME... FOR A FRIDAY
"This was an evil plot that was carried out to almost perfection by ruthless assassins." Gunderson tells the Globe.Makes you kind of wonder where Chuck Barris was that day, doesn't it? Yeah, I think I solved another one...
FEAR ME, THE CHILD OF THE RAVEN
Wickow became the mountainous refuge of the Byrnes clan (chidren of Bran or the Raven) which fought the English for about four hundred years and off, and held out for far longer than any other clan.In other words, when I tell you I will kick you in the balls, it would be advisable to believe me. Beware the Byrneses. The Pitts and Lopezes, too.
The Byrnes, as I have read, were the very last clan defeated and destroyed by the English.
The were closely aligned with the Tooles. The O'Byrne and O'Toole clans combined to fight the English (but maybe fought each other at other time as everyone seemed to not get on well together in the past). I think there was maybe some association with the Kelly clan to the west too, but I am not sure about that.
The O'Byrne and O'Toole clans were both declared to be "beyond the Pale" by the English, sort of like dangerous outlaws or barbarians in English eyes.
And in the eyes of the native Irish, the English had stolen their island of Eire. This is why there was warfare that lasted for many hundreds of years, only now hopefully coming to an end with England largely withdrawn again out of Ireland.
PICTURE THIS CAPTION
1. “After seeing a photograph of Gotham City’s newest arch-fiend – Suburban Guy – Batman decided that he could, in fact, afford to take two full weeks of vacation.”I crack myself up, even though I no longer remember what pictures went with the captions. If you have one that would fit, send it to me and we'll try to match these up.
2. “Dude, where’s my dignity?”
OR YOU COULD JUST CALL 911 YOURSELF
As Valentine hacked at his wife, Suarez frantically sent a text message to a relative saying Cuadrado was dead and asking the relative to call the police, a law-enforcement source said.Then again, I am a fossil. If I were in Suarez's position, I would have written a letter.