AND WHILE WE'RE POINTING OUT THAT SPECK IN YOUR EYE...
I can't pass this one up from Gothamist:

And last night was the memorial bike ride for Dr. Carl Nacht, Derek Lake, and Donna Goodson, who were died when a vehicle hit them while riding their bikes in three separate incidents.

As commenter Larb notes, I hate when people get died.

TYPE FIRST, THINK LATER
From Queerty:

• The NFL opened its rookie training symposium with an openly gay speaker (a NFL vice president, no less) at its diversity training seminar. In the program's 10-year history, this is a first. [Out Sports]

Uh... no. If you actually read the article, you won't find anything that even hints that the NFL vice president is gay. As a matter of fact, he's married and has six children. I'm sure Queerty regrets the error.

And from, uh, Queerty:

...while the LGR's site Schwarzenegger's record on GLBT issues as "extraordinary,"...

A few corrections are in order:

1. The acronym for Log Cabin Republicans would be LCR, not LGR. I'm sure Queerty regrets the error.

2. The word is 'cite,' not 'site.' I'm sure Queerty regrets the error.

3. If they must pluralize LCR -- I'm not sure why, since it is an acronym for a plural to begin with -- they should lose the apostrophe. LCRs, not LCR's. I know that some style guides disagree with me, but they are wrong. Still, that's enough give them a free pass on the apostrophe... not, however, on compound pluralization.

Ah, hell, the kids at Queerty can always find work at 365gay.com, so they'll be all right.

MASTER OF DESTRUCTION
A little while ago, a pigeon fell out of the sky and landed dead at my feet. A few seconds later, preparing to return to my office, I crushed a woman in the revolving door.

You might want to stay away from my aura today.

RACHEL, RACHEL
Barnes & Noble -- the dot-com version, at least -- seems to think I need a co-author. Either that, or they think that Rachel Spencer is my drag name. My very boring drag name. Come on, B&N.com, everyone knows that my drag name is Vera Similitude! Get with the program!

(Meanwhile, can I get a big WTF here? Google and I have no clue whatsoever how this happened, but we don't much like it.)

JUST ANOTHER HAPPY HOUR
Me; my boyfriend; the ex-boyfriend I spent ten years with; the ex-boyfriend who broke up with me the year before I met the current boyfriend... just the four of us, sitting around a table on the front porch of Bamboo 52 last night, smoking and drinking and having a few laughs.

And except for the fact that, collectively, they have or had been my partners for 14 of my 18 years out of the closet, we could have been any random group of four people enjoying each other's company. It was all very civilized.

Slightly less civilized is the fact that I have seen them all naked, and I've seen their O-faces. But we don't have to go there.

This is a civilized blog, after all.

SMALL GRAVATAR SYNDROME
So I broke down the other day and got myself a Gravatar, which -- in the past several hours -- has popped up wherever Gravatars are allowed. Like here in Stan-O-Rama's comments, or here at The Malcontent.

But it's so damn small. I mean, I'm not a size queen, but still, you can hardly tell it's a person, let alone a drop-dead gorgeous one.

I think I need a new symbol. Here, culled from my fabulous photo collection, are a few options, in all their 80 pixel-by-80 pixel glory:

The 'I Want to Be Taken Seriously' Look

The 'Will He Ever Stop Using This Photo?' Look

The 'Accoutrements' Look

I dunno. There's not a lot you can do with 80-by-80. Maybe I need a professional.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY...
... to get some ink out of this.

PORN AND PREPPIES DON'T MIX
June 20, 2006 -- MADISON Avenue preppie-duds boutique owner Andrew Parker has broken up with his porn star girlfriend Heather Pink - jeopardizing the release of "Trust Fund Sluts," an X-rated flick based on the fictionalized love lives of real Manhattan socialites.
Pink tells Page Six that Parker dumped her on Memorial Day after his mother learned that Parker had been financing the production of "Trust Fund Sluts" on his credit card, which Pink says Parker's mom pays for.

I just have to think creatively. Think, dammit, think!

I'LL TAKE 'UNFORTUNATELY IRONIC NAMES' FOR $500, ALEX
Poor thing. But I'm sure he's heard every variation on 'political whore' by now, so at least he has tough skin.

COLD SHOWER, ANYONE?
Free advice: when commenting on a blog, it's probably best to masturbate first to relieve any pent-up ickiness. Otherwise, you risk sounding like a really bad Craigslist ad, and I will have to make fun of you.

Okay; back to whatever you were doing.

NUCLEAR F-BOMB
Yikes! I was skimming through an advanced reading copy of When the Stars Come Out last night and realized that the three most commonly-used words were the, a, and fuck.

And not necessarily in that order.

Maybe you folks who know me can help me out: do I have a potty mouth like that?

I'm going to wash my mouth out with soap now.

FROM THE DEPT. OF THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE

So I was thinking. Perhaps its time to have art show reality. It would be simple. Cast Ken Watanabe and Zhang Ziyi as J.R. and Sue Ellen Ewing (need a new name as well). Wouldn’t that be a little more realistic? You do know what is going on don’t you? While different interests in America fight and bicker about energy production, China is moving ahead at full steam!

And maybe they could also change the title to Hanoi.

*sigh*

I suppose if Ziyi Zhang/Zhang Ziyi could play a geisha...

WHY REALITY SHOW STARS SHOULD NOT BE JUDGES
Would you look at the mess Rachel Hunter is getting herself into? I mean, really! Did a coconut fall on her head while she was taping The Real Gilligan's Island?

What? Oh...

<--Reality TV Rachel

















Crazy* Candidate Rachel -->

Never mind.

For more unscripted zaniness visit this site. Oh my God, it writes poetry, too!

* -- Because lawyers know lawsuits. That's why.

INVENTION OF THE WEEK
Oh look! They've invented a new way to kill tourists in New York!

Let the rider beware...

PARTY PLANNING
Hard as it is to believe, in only 10 or 11 weeks my masterpiece will be on bookshelves from coast to coast. And since for once I am actually trying to plan things more than two days in advance, it's time to figure out when and where I should hold the book launch party.

That's where you come in.

Here are the prime venues, all of which are located in Hell's Kitchen. Why? I don't know. That's just where I almost always end up after locking up the office for the afternoon night.

* POSH: until a few weeks ago, Posh was my home away from home. Strong points: setimentality and a very cheap Happy Hour.

* BAMBOO 52: a new venture from the owners of Posh, and -- for the past few weeks -- my home away from home. Strong points: nice space and sushi.

* VLADA: another new HK bar. Strong points: infused vodka and ability to make an ass out of myself without having to face the staff the next day.

Or, we could all try to cram into my tiny apartment, which will probably even be presentable for visitors after Brady finishes chasing out my roommate and redecorating, but I wouldn't advise it. For now, I'd rather have you vote for your preferred venue. Of course, if you have an alternate in mind, I'm listening.

Where Should The "Stars" Book Party Be Held?
	POSH: Don't Mess With Tradition
	VLADA: Readers Want Infused Vodka!
	BAMBOO 52: Like Posh, But With Sushi
	CASA FARB: Life at York & 81st Sounds So Glamorous
	JUST PICK A PLACE, DAMMIT!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

SPREAD SOME BOOK LOVE
I have a special offer for TRL readers from across the nation globe universe, so listen up.

In my possession are several hundred copies of the Kensington Gay Summer Sampler, featuring short excerpts from great gay books coming out this summer, including Michael Thomas Ford's Full Circle; Patrick Moore's Tweaked; Bart Yates's The Brothers Bishop; and the book you've been eagerly waiting for: Rob Byrnes's When the Stars Come Out.

The sampler is a great introduction to these Kensington titles, and I'd like to put copies in your hands for you, your friends, and random people in your town. I already have a distribution network out there, but -- with hundreds of samplers at my disposal -- I can always use help spreading the word. And let me add that these 32-page booklets are professionally produced with a glossy cover, so they'll be a hit at your local bar, bookstore, or community center... or wherever else gay and gay-friendly people congregate. (I pretty much just know bars and bookstores. Sorry.)

If you would like me to send you a few dozen -- or more -- drop me an e-mail and I will ship a batch out to you. And if you're a blogger, feel free to offer samplers to your readership. Whether you're in Queens or West Hollywood or St. Louis or Portland or DC or... hell, wherever you live... give me a shout and I'll fix you up.

And if you do something nice for me and the Kensington stable of authors (some of whom are also famous, in their own ways), I will do something nice for you. Like, lay off the drunk-texting. Or something. We'll work on it together.

UH... HI. MISS ME?
Damn. It's been two weeks? Sorry 'bout that. But I've been buried by tons of things over the past few weeks. Mostly good things, but I could use a few more hours per day... days per week...

Soon, children. Soon. Check back next week.