MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Don't think you can make a difference in politics and government? You're wrong, of course. Take it from a veteran: every vote you cast, phone call you make, or letter you write does have an impact. Don't expect to get your way on every issue with every candidate and elected official -- the word for people who demand that is 'immature' -- but don't let frustration silence you. In this case, silence may not equal death, but it does equal irrelevance.

Take a lesson from my new hero, Brian at Faggoty-Ass Faggot. And make sure you follow the links. It's a fascinating example of how an individual can make a difference.

Will it determine the outcome of the election? Maybe... maybe not. But there will be at least one candidate in Ohio who will know that playing the Gay Card as a cheap political tactic has consequences.

And you can bet that others will learn their lesson, too.

THE DEVIL'S IN THE DETAILS
Memo to self: when faking own death, don't use corpse of someone roughly one-third my size.

People apparently notice that shit. Who knew?

REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE IN THE PREVIOUS TWO ENTRIES...?
Can't. Do. It. Anymore.

Many have been the time that we've drunkenly reenacted Shelly Winters drowning in a pool of boiling water, bulging eyes and flailing arms and all. Are we terrible for finding it funny? You just have to see it.

Um...

1. Shelley?

2. Water not boiling?

3. Didn't drown? Died of a heart attack out of the water?

He really should not have struck out that 'drunkenly.' Really.

REMEMBER WHAT I WROTE IN MY LAST ENTRY?
Then you'll understand why this link is presented without comment.

It's tough being me. Tough, tough, tough...

SUCH A GOOD BOY!
I don't know if you've noticed, but I have been exceptionally good lately. I haven't been fragging the usual suspects, pointing my finger at inappropriate headlines and laughing, harassing other writers, or generally mocking people. Do you want to know why?

Because a Famous Author tries to be very well-behaved in the months leading up to publication of his novel. That's why.

Also, I'm suffering from MSOD and very, very weak. You understand...

READ IT
Novelist Christopher Rice has something important to say to you. And no, I'm not being snarky. Click and read.

I said to click and read, dammit. Then capture the link and pass it around.

That was so good that I forgive him one curious omission. Much like Chad Lowe, I'm sure I was just forgotten in the excitement of the moment.


UPDATE: Per Mike's comment, I should add something. I -- and some of my best friends (of course) -- write the type of lighter fare that, in re-reading the Rice essay, he may have indeed been taking a passing jab at. I'm forgiving of that, especially since some of the authors he lists are hardly literary standouts. The emphasis of the piece, though, is that gay men and lesbians have a responsibility here, and that is to pick up a book now and then. That is what I applaud.

IT'S ALWAYS THE PRETTY ONES...
Or, Watch out girls, because Studley McStudstein is on the make!

(Via Fark)

A SHORT LIST OF BLOGGABLE ITEMS, SOME OF WHICH ARE LIFE-CHANGING
Whew... I've had quite a couple of days. So without further ado, let me tick off a few things for your consideration.

1. I really don't know why correspondent fuckk u was so upset about my comments about Dax Maier. It's not as if I compared him unfavorably to Star Jones. And, for the record, I didn't even mention that he peed himself and cried like a little girl. Repeatedly. Sheesh.

2. Re: this post, Becky asks: I wonder what bitter answer prompted a 25% showing as a socially conservative Republican. Well, not that I didn't give some bitter answers to that quiz, but my guess is that my 'socially-conservative Republican' points came from my rather loosely-held belief that there is a role for religion in the schools. Uh... don't take that the wrong way. I am an agnostic, and haven't attended non-funeral/non-wedding church services for 30 years. But my attitude is that school facilities should be open to students who want to pray as well as GSAs. In addition, I think American students would be well-served by understanding religion and the role it plays in different cultures (not to mention how they would be better-served by understanding other cultures period, but that's another topic.) In other words, I'm not a 'separation of church and state' absolutist when it comes to this subject.

3. I was in DC this weekend for -- once again -- the Irene Ryan competition of the American College Theater Festival at the Kennedy Center... although, now that I've linked to last year's entry, I see that I never explained this annual tradition. Let's just say that the Irene Ryans are a major event for a certain boyfriend of mine, and therefore they are part of my life, too. The upshot of the weekend -- and associated socializing over many cocktails -- is that I've been recruited to consider writing the book (and creating the narrative arc) for a musical. More details if and when they follow.

4. Oh yeah... the music and lyrics for that musical have already been written by the husband of a theater professor. Said professor is also working on me to do a book-signing in Portland, OR in the fall, and since I know some bloggers out there...

5. And finally, I have some really big news on the relationship front. But I really can't blog about it for a few days. Stay tuned.

RIGHTER THAN THOU
Who knew? Even though I have a right-of-center past, I found these results somewhat surprising. Not the 'New Democrat' angle, but the others.

Ah well... I keep telling you people I'm a political moderate. Now will you believe me? (It's either that, or these guys are starting to wear off on me.)


You scored as New Democrat. New Democrats emphasize fiscal conservatism, and have a strong preference for the free market. They believe in small-scale programs that provide targetted help to those in need, while working with the business community.

New Democrat		80%
Foreign Policy Hawk		75%
Old School Democrat		60%
Pro Business Republican		55%
Libertarian		40%
Green		40%
Socially Conservative Republican		25%

What's Your Political Philosophy?
created with QuizFarm.com

(Via Greg Herren)

GRAMMA!
I thought I had lost the last of my grandparents more than twenty years ago... but I was wrong. It turns out that my real grandmother is still alive. If my math is correct, she must have given birth to my mother when she was 15, but put her up for adoption.

Gramma Josephine, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Let's live for today, instead of in the past.

And I will happily let you spoil me. Promise.


RELATED: I mourn the death of my real father.

THE ROOSEVELT ISLAND TRAM DISASTER
It's bad enough that I am slowly dying of MSOD, but last night was a true ordeal. Your imagination cannot begin to fathom what I endured...

TRAPPED! On the Roosevelt Island Tram!


5:20 PM: I board the Tram on the Manhattan side. Two minutes later, it comes to an abrupt stop. One woman is thrown off balance and plunges through a window, falling 250 feet into the East River, where she disappears into the rough current.

6:00 PM: We are still stranded in mid-air. My fellow passengers are remarkably calm, with the exception of the panicky middle-aged businessman who is sweating profusely and keeps yelling that we're all going to die. I slap him to bring him out of it, then slap him again 'cause the first time felt so good.

6:09 PM: We now feel confident we are going to be okay, because Gothamist is on the story!

7:22 PM: Getting bored. Slap middle-aged businessman again.

8:15 PM: Getting pissed. Realize I totally missed Happy Hour.

8:22 PM: Everyone in the Tram car gains new hope when we see Spider-Man swing across the East River.

8:23 PM: Fucker chose Mary Jane over us. In a unanimous vote, we decide we officially hate him.

8:52 PM: Mayor Bloomberg on the scene. Word comes to us that he is having Bat-Signal sent to Roosevelt Island. Fellow passengers unimpressed by superheroes at this point.

9:35 PM: First person drinks own urine. Strangely, bottled water was available.

9:57 PM: Middle-aged businessman finally snaps, screams that he has to get off the Tram, and leaps out the broken window. I try to grab him, but he slips out of his Brooks Brothers blazer and falls 250 feet into the East River. Coat is a 42-long. A keeper.

10:33 PM: Power fails on Bat-Signal. Mayor Bloomberg resorts to standing on Roosevelt Island and yelling, "Save us, Superman. Save us!"


11:11 PM: Passengers elect Dax Maier official spokesperson by a vote of 24-7 over Rick Lazio's wife.

11:25 PM: Dax Maier now working my last friggin' nerve. Dude, I do not want to go skateboarding with you when this is all over!

12:04 AM: Passengers begin eating corpses to survive.

12:14 AM: In a desperate bid to once again become America's Mayor, Rudy Giuliani inches himself along the cable until he reaches the car, then offers to take a food order for the passengers. I order chardonnay, which is food to me. Dax Maier orders vodka-tonic. Rick Lazio's wife orders burger.

1:00 AM: Yes, peeing out the window in full view of the TV news helicopters is sort of gross, but it has to be done. Technicians at channels 2, 4, 5, 7, and Telemundo in full pixelation mode.

1:32 AM: America's Mayor Rudy Giuliani inches his way back out the cable with our dinner. Says, "Betcha won't see Bloomberg doing things like this for you." Rick Lazio's wife complains that her burger is cold and refuses to tip.

2:07 AM: Passengers hear rumors that other stranded Tram car has already been emptied. Riots ensue; passengers rampage, set fires, and flip over Rick Lazio's wife's hamburger. The mood is getting ugly.

2:07:30 AM: Riot ends when America's Mayor Rudy Giuliani bangs on the roof of the car and tells passengers to keep it down.

2:36 AM: In an effort to buoy spirits, I moonwalk.

2:59 AM: I have to pee again. Fortunately, this time Senator Chuck Schumer is between me and the cameras.

3:44 AM: Rescuers finally reach us. First responder on scene reaches out to stereotypically-frightened woman, trying to guide her to rescue bucket, but she nervously loses her footing, and -- as he saves her from falling -- he himself becomes a tragic victim, plummeting 250 feet into the East River. Next year the television movie about his heroic sacrifice will get trashed in the Nielson ratings by a repeat of According to Jim.

4:08 AM: Panicking, Rick Lazio's wife shoves Dax Maier out of the way and takes the last spot in the rescue bucket.

4:45 AM: Dax Maier and I are finally rescued. Modestly, I slip away into the night, letting the young man get all the glory.



Yeah, it was quite a night. Needless to say, I'm a bit tired after that ordeal, so I apologize in advance if I don't blog much today.

But for the record: I am looking very sharp in my new Brooks Brothers blazer...

OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
Let them pick Mboto! Then I can die from my MSOD a happy man.

Paper: Pitt, Jolie Mull African Baby Name

IT'S NOT FOR ME TO PASS JUDGMENT, BUT...
...if I was putting a post in the M4M section of Craigslist begging for sex, I might think twice about including both a head shot and some NSFW shots. Because now not only do I know far more about a certain regular at a certain bar I spend too much money at, but so does everyone else. Right down to the armpit-licking...

And perhaps the only thing worse than that knowledge is the fact that Saturday night we were looking at the Craiglist post via Treo while the poor guy sat, unknowing, just ten feet away from us.

Moral of the story: good luck trolling for sex. Seriously. I am 100% pro-sex. But remember: if you don't want to be mocked, then don't do mockworthy things.

FIVE DAYS IN THE LIFE
Thursday
8:00 AM: Go to work
5:30 PM: Go to Posh to meet Craig, Steven, Greg and boyfriends
6:00 PM: Brady arrives
8:00 PM: Go to Vlada with Brady, Craig, Steven, Greg and boyfriends
8:30 PM: Go home drunk

Friday
8:00 AM: Go to work
4:30 PM: Go to Posh to meet Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
7:30 PM: Go to Vlada with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
9:00 PM: Go home drunk

Saturday
11:30 AM: Take Brady to the office
2:00 PM: Go to cook-out with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
2:05 PM: Uncork wine
5:00 PM: Go to Posh with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
6:30 PM: Go to Vlada with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
8:30 PM: Go home drunk

Sunday
12:30 PM: Go to the Oak Room for Easter brunch with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
4:00 PM: Go to Posh with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends; since it is not yet open, go to Vlada
4:30 PM: Go to Posh with Brady, Craig, Steven and boyfriends
8:00 PM: Go home drunk

Monday
6:30 AM: Take Brady to Penn Station
6:50 AM: Go to work...

...Alone. E-mail Craig, Steven, and Greg. No boyfriends involved. And so the creatures of habit slightly alter the cycle to make way for another work week.

Thank God. Because my liver hurts.



PS: Despite my 'eh, so what?' comment on The Malcontent's site when word came of the opening of Vlada, I have to admit that I like the place. Like I need another reason to spend my life on West 51st Street...

AND SO THE BOOK TOUR BEGINS...
If I don't die from my newly-diagnosed MSOD before September, be advised that I'm booked at Lambda Rising in Washington DC for a reading/ discussion/ signing on the 7th. From the LR web site:

Store Events - September 7, 7:00 PM
Time: Thursday, September 7, 2006 7:00 PM
Location: Washington DC
Title of Event: Author Visit - Rob Byrnes, author of When the Stars Come Out
The infamous blogger and author of Trust Fund Boys will be reading from his forthcoming novel, When the Stars Come Out, Details to follow.

Reminder to self: add 'Infamous Blogger' to 'Famous Author' on business cards.

Reminder to readers: if you're in the DC area, mark your calendars. I will try to be moderately entertaining; if that doesn't work, we'll all just go out and get drunk after the reading. Oh, hell, let's do that anyway.

And no, I don't know where they got the 'infamous blogger' line from, but I like it, so it stays.

INTRODUCING THE COMPETITION FOR 'TRUST FUND BOYS: THE MOVIE'
Interesting list compiled by the Writers Guild of America on the 101 greatest screenplays. I could quibble -- mostly on rankings, not the list itself -- but for once I'll spare you. Plus, you know, I might be dying, so why waste the energy?

Warning: Brokeback Mountain is not on the list. Let the squeals of pain and cries of anti-gay discrimination begin.

SURVEY SAYS...
Thanks to those of you who weighed in on two very important TRL blog posts.

In response to my question about whose death we should mourn by rioting, at least 50% of you correctly answered:

Famous Author Rob Byrnes

And that, friends, is a good thing. Because I have some bad news for you. As you know, I've been getting weaker and weaker recently... and it turns out that Becks properly diagnosed me. I am, indeed, suffering from:

MSOD

I may not be with you much longer. Don't believe me? Just look at this blog's title bar. It is on the Internet, and therefore it must be true.

But don't mourn for me, dear readers, and please don't pity me. Everything will be all right, because I am at peace with myself, and I know that you will always remember me and my great works of art prolific body of literature three books.

And when you riot -- which, of course, you must -- please spare Posh from most of the arson, pillaging and looting. After all, that's where my body will lie in state.

Bar Rage, on the other hand, is all yours.

I CAN'T DECIDE IF THIS IS A 'STOP THE PRESSES' MOMENT OR A 'WTF' MOMENT

The Most Obscure Man in America
is Running for President

MORE:
The bio

EVEN MORE:
Dead, or alive? No definitive answer, so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

ILLEGALS AT THE BORDER!
I don't intend to get into the topic of immigration -- so many greater minds are already solving that problem -- but this morning I read something that makes me believe that this problem is out of hand.

Folks, if this isn't stopped, we're looking at the end of everything we hold dear. Before you know it, Lassie will be barking with one of those upisde-down exclamation points tacked on to the beginning of her sentence 'arf.' I say we intercept 'em and send 'em back where they came from! Your adopted Chinese baby does not want the Taco Bell chihuahua for a playmate!

...

Ugh... I shouldn't let myself get so upset. So very, very weak... End of rant...

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR
Because this is the sort of thing you've come to expect when you read The Rob Log.

Geologists Find Ancient Worm Feces

De nada.

A RIOT IS AN UGLY THING... AND I THINK THAT IT'S JUST ABOUT TIME WE HAD ONE*
We don't treat our entertainers with the same reverence as they do in India. So which star would you do this for?

Leave suggestions in the comments and we'll plan something for the appropriate time. PS: Star Jones is too obvious; choose someone else who's appropriately riot-worthy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm feeling very weak. What, oh what, is wrong with me?



* - Don't disappoint me by not knowing the source of the quote. I may or may not be a dying man...

TAKING THE SHORT CUT TO POPULARITY
Despite the fact that I am Famous, readership of TRL continues to hover somewhere in the gray area between 'dwindling' and 'flat-lining.' As you know, I don't like to whine, but still... Something must be done.

I tried giving you nakedness, but now I'm out of MAK-pics, and in any event this isn't that kind of blog. Also, I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression, because as much as MAK idolizes me, we are quite content with our current partners.

And I've never been a link-whore like some people I know. While I appreciate it when someone blogrolls me (less so when my link disappears; but it's not a deal-breaker, BfT, so don't worry about it. For now. Bitch.), I can't remember ever begging for a link. If someone finds me through fate or Technorati and wants to link up, that's great. But I never ask.

So nudity and link-whoring are out. Which leaves only two other paths to popularity. And since I have no intention of developing good better content for this blog, I really only have one option.

In the comments, please suggest a fatal illness for me to feign. The more exotic and tragic, the better.

Thanks. Gotta run now. I feel a cough coming on...

SPENCER FAMILY VALUES
Oh, yay! John Spencer, former Yonkers mayor and a Principled Conservative, is taking on Hillary Clinton!

In attacking what he denounces as Clinton's "extreme liberalism," Spencer wrote "she supports mandatory gay rights. I support the institution of marriage as a sacred bond between one man and one woman."

Meanwhile:

He does seem content with his home life, which scandalized some while he was mayor. His wife is Kathy Spring Spencer, who was his chief of staff and bore their first two children before Spencer divorced his first wife and married her.

"It shouldn't be an issue because it's my private life and I dealt with it honestly and openly with my first wife and my two older children," Spencer said. "I can't defend it because I won't talk about it."

Fucktard.

BE THERE

Inside DecArts 2006